Posted by: Male | 2009/08/13

Online Affair

My wife had an online emotional affair whilst on a work trip. The guy was apparently her ' first love'  even though they never met. I found out by stumbling upon some emails when using her laptop. We decided to give the marriage a chance but I feel as if she needs to do something tangible to show that she is sorry. She says it and most of me believes her but all of me can' t. Is it wrong of me to ask for something tangible? Or even a sacrifice? She has another work trip at the end of the year, I suggested she sacrifice it but she says it means too much for her career.

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Our expert says:
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She fell in love with a guy she never met ? Please do see a marriage counsellor together to work this out for the benefit of all of you. No point in her "sacrificing" something that would advance or retard her career --- better work out beween you with the marriage counsellor, how best to make amends.

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Our users say:
Posted by: onlyme | 2009/08/14

my wife did something similar about 6 months ago through a well known social networking site, I was devestated, she denied everything then slowly owned up when I showed her all the proof, copies of emails, recors of phone calls etc, she also said it was just a case of being appreciated, I am not a romantic at heart but I always tell her i love her and kiss her every morning and night I buy her the best that I can afford and never deny her what she wants if I can give it to her.

I just feel used like my life with her for the last 10 years is a complete lie, she is doing alot to make good but I dont think I will ever truly trust her or believe in her like I did or like a husband should, at the moment Im just to scared to make the decision I feel is right but the stress of this is ruining my life.

Im really sorry for you to be in the same place and I cant advise you as to what you should do but I think i can say that deep inside of you you already know whats best for your relationship.

Good Luck man

Reply to onlyme
Posted by: R | 2009/08/14

The same thing happaened to me 6 years ago!. Also this workshops are an evil and this is where all the troubles begin!! I am sure I am not the only one that thinks so!!

Well after doing everything I could and I thought everything is going well in our marraige, she had an sexual affair!!!! A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES HIS SPOTS!!!

Reply to R
Posted by: Anon | 2009/08/13

Maybe she was caught up in the " romance"  of it all. She felt loved and alive again. Do you remember how you felt when you fell in love with her? Remember how strong that feeling was? She could have felt that euphoria again which she will never feel with you again as you know each other, you share a life. The mystery and what if' s are all gone.

I am not condoning what she did, I tend to agree it hurts more than just a sexual fling as it involves something she gave just to you, her heart.

You need to decide for yourself if you can forgive her totally or move on, Its black and white, there is no grey area.

I am sorry you going through this.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Male | 2009/08/13

Hi its me again
Thank you for your replies. Can I add more details? The affair to me was worse than a physical affair. They even discussed kids and in one email she was prepared to leave me for him. She apparently ' called'  him to change her mind. I agree there must be issues with our marriage but she denies this, saying she did it out of pity for him since his life was unhappy.

Reply to Male
Posted by: Anon | 2009/08/13

You CANT love and trust her in slices. (I meant)

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Jane | 2009/08/13

I think marriage councelling would be the best thing

Reply to Jane
Posted by: Anon | 2009/08/13

I did the same thing unintentionally a few years back. I was emailed by my 1st love out of the blue more than 17 years after I last saw him. Till that day, he was in the back of my mind, hidden and a sad memory of someone I lost.

We chatted, we caught up on families, jobs, kids. He then asked me a sexual based question and I have him my honest opinion. It then became the norm in our emails and a few weeks on I went back and read his emails again and realised even though I knew the context of them, if my husband saw them he would think (rightly so) that I was partaking in an online affair. I was ashamed and angry. I told my husband, showed him every single email and even though he was angry at me, he could see that it wasn' t my intention (he knew me well enough).

To this very day, I am so wary about what I write and say to anyone.

Might not be the same situation you in, but you need to know these things happen to happily married people who would never think about having an affair ever.

You can love and trust her in slices. Its either all or nothing. She broke your trust, you angry but if you cant get over it without her having to prove her love to you all the time, then your marriage is in trouble,

Reply to Anon

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