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Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Once again I am confused and the mind boggles

Hi there CS,
Not as negative as I always seem to be lately, but feeling slightly sad and as though loosing a friend. My psychologist seems to be giving up, she feels that she is not helping me and have to agree, but she knows so much about me and managed to make some headway, but things just seem to be getting more out of control and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. She said she was grateful to have met me and I taught her a lot, that I am an amazing person to have survived all I did, but she is definitely giving up, I could see it in her behaviour last night, she was sad and dejected. She seems to think I have BPD (I think this is right) something Personality Disorder and the psychiatrist said's I have Bipolar 2, whatever that means. I really feel confused and tired of everything. I am going to another psychologist today to see if he is trustworthy and able to help as I have to apparently continue seeing a psychologist, there are many unfinished issues.

Last night she asked a interesting question in that she wanted to know how I managed to get out of this feeling/situation I am in in the past, I said I didn't, just buried and now it has accumulated beyond any control I have. I have continuously done impulsive and stupid things, but this time I have gotten myself into such a mess that there doesn't seem to be any practical way out and I am trying to ignore it, as though it ain't there, I know this doesn't work but I just don't know what to do. I don't even have any advice for myself anymore so I don't expect anybody else to have either.

I know everything that my psychologist tried to tell me, I understand that other people have problems, I know suicide is not the way out, I know that I have a lot of positive things going for me, I know I have some special people in my life, I know I have managed to be successful and have achieved a lot in life, I know that I have friends and support, I know my family wants to be there, I know that my policies don't cover suicide, I know my job is secure and I know I am a survivor but the feeling of so what is overwhelming.

Anyway enough mumbling and grumbling. May everyone have a great day and may all the worries come to some kind of conclusion.
Take Care.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you told her the nice and encouraging things you say about her in the start of your message ? BPD isn't easy to treat, and it requires some xprience and fortitude on the part of the shrink. Sometimes there can be great value in changing, by general agreement, to a different shrink, who may bring a fresh viewpoint and enable you to make different progress. I hope that works out for you.
I'm reviewing, and hope soon to publish the reviews here, and arrange for them to become available through Kalahari, titled on self-help with CBT approaches, dealing with Mood Swings, Anger and Irritability, Low Self-Esteem, and Childhood Trauma. So these may become available before too long, and be really useful, too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/21

BT - I'd like to respond to your reply, but I'd prefer to do it via email in the next day or two. I'm running out of time today. My email is Chelle at websurfer dot co dot za. It's up to you. Otherwise I will post a response on here.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Chris | 2004/10/21

Well I hope you can find more happiness, Good luck

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Chris,
I do, and if you care to look a little further you might note that I have posted some positive stuff, such as yesterday, however I do have a lot of problems, mostly caused by myself, but ja, that is live.
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Thanks Just Me, you have given me a wee bit of hope, just hope the family actually tries to understand.

JM - I have located a support group, thinking of joining, will let you know.

I have to leave now, going to a different psychologist, hold thumbs.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Chris | 2004/10/21

Hi Beyond tired,

Do you ever not have a problem, I have been reading this forum for a while now and your allways got problems, whats up with that

Reply to Chris
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/21

BT

It is like the article's say, sometimes a person can have bipolar for years and now one will be able to identify it.

But look at Just me's posting - something can be done about it and yes he is right about the most famous people having bipolar.

So there is defnitely a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have seen something about a support group in SA, will have a look again, don't you think that being a member of these groups can also assist you on road to recovery?

I

Reply to JM
Posted by: Just Me | 2004/10/21

Howzit There,

I am now in my mid 40's, and was only treated for Bi Polar 2 about 3 years ago.I walked this planet creating havock at times - and yes, I have become successfull in life due to the increased manic episodes when I did a years work in 4 months, well sort of...! My ex-wife cries these days when she sees me - a whole new person, who is calm, and far better in control than I ever was. My new partner met me before the diagnosis, and cannot beleive how I have changed. Yes, I can tell now when I am having an off period. The medication can never make you completely stable, but the ups and downs are far less severe.

PLEASE ask your therapist to stear you to those that can help - ending things will NEVER solve this or anything else!!!!!! What about those that love you so dearly...??

Yes - the advice on the internet is invaluable - Use the site
'AskGeeves.com' - and question Bi-polar.

Please ensure that your closest family and friends understand your condition - let them read up on the same topics, so that they can help you. NO you are not sick or strange!! We are all different in some or another way, and yes, some of the most famous people were Bi-Polar - this is how they did there greatest works - well so I am led to believe.

You will find light at the end of the tunnel - I promise.

Fondest Regards

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Thanks again JM. I suppose in a way it is good to know what is wrong and maybe start working on it, but feeling so damned saddened by this. Why was it only picked up now......?

The article CP MOM sent to me felt like I was reading about myself......it's scary.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Straycat | 2004/10/21

I have read quite a few of your postings.... You always sound like you are on the brink of something good.. and then it just fades.... Where did it go? ... If you have achieved success, have special friends and a secure job.. what would you do if you did not have those things... You sound like a positive person underneath it all... the fact that you know you are a survivor.. tells me you will get through all of this... I will say a pray for you.

GB.

Reply to Straycat
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/21

BT,

Can't answer your question but I can give you more reading material.

Do a search on top of the page, type in bipolar, read article 3.

Also the following:

Bipolar illness is often complicated by co-occurring alcohol or substance abuse

Effective treatments are available that greatly reduce the suffering caused by bipolar disorder, and can usually prevent its devastating complications. However, bipolar disorder is often not recognised by the patient, relatives, friends, or even physicians. People with bipolar disorder may suffer needlessly without proper treatment, for years or even decades. Also, many patients do not respond to at least one drug, and many show no response to several. This means that combination treatment is often the rule because a combination of different drugs with different methods of action can be more effective wiithout increasing the risk of side effects. Lithium is still the most used drug overall in mania, but mood stabilising anticonvulsants are also widely used

Reply to JM
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Hi Chelle,
Sorry, not easy to think of a perfect world for me. Maybe though, where I don't hurt myself, don't have the pain of my memories, where my house is neat and tidy and I don't have to have borders, where my daughter wants to be at home all the time and I don't scream and shout at her, so that I don't have to keep apologising, if her father was not the man he is and brought his side. Where I didn't get myself into situations where financially I am strained, I don't seem to be able to control this, have decided to snipper all cards, but ja, done that and then just get others. Where the bf becomes permanent and we do all things together, where I don't fear sex and despise it sometimes but go along, where it doesn't hurt to have it, where I could do my job without having this feeling of it being a waste of time, where it is enjoyable or perhaps even become a home body. Where I could stabilise my weight, stop drinkin and enjoy the things around me again, with the birds singing. I would love to live somewhere where there are no phones, no TV, no nothing, a river, the sea and beauty of nature, but I know this will never be, so what does it help to dream. I always wanted to move away from society but haven't been able to, I don't always like to have people around me and currently my home is always being invaded by either the kids of the neighbourhood or my borders. Nothing seems to be mine and everything is damaged. My friends have gotten me into further hassles because of my generosity and now I am stuck with the consequences, they don't help and have destroyed what I have left. I want to have a smart home, that my daughter can be proud of, not the damage it currently is, so much so that I don't want to be there. I used to be a perfectionist, in that everything was in it's place, my clothes were structured, hanging from shirts, slacks, skirts, jackets, etc. My cupboards were perfect, the glasses were the same, matched, the dinner service was whole, it ain't anymore, my furniture was neat, my carpets clean, the borders are always messing, the one that left, messed coke and now the carpet is stained, it feels like such a shabbles. My daughters bed has been broken, the one border slept on it and damaged it, I had repainted everything in her room, she didn't think much of it. My own bed is also stuffed, my friend burnt the matress, she apologised, but it is not enough. They even burnt my one chair and the stool is broken, everything has fallen apart. Even a drawer in my freezer, fridge not even completely paid for is broken. Sorry for carrying on like this but it just is so damned ... I haven't got the word to describe it. A perfect world to me is where I can be loved, honoured, cherished and I can give this to those around me in a secure environment that is not destroyed.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/10/21

I just mailed you something re BP that was in the Cosmo....

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/21

BT - Have you given some thought to what it is that would make you feel better. What are the things that you believe will make your world and yourself feel better? If you could have anything right now what would that be? What in your immediate surroundings would you change? Imagine your world is perfect and how you want it to be. Would you mind telling us what that perfect world would look like to you?
If you're up to it, I'll be back a little later to read your response.
There is a positive note in your message in that you are not feeling as negative as usual. I hope you can manage to use this time to have a better day.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

JM,
It does, I found some information as well, but not like this. I must say I believe it, I have had many episodes in my life and now if I read this, I am having the mixed episodes, up and down like a yoyo, one minute I am happy, the next depro.....sometimes the depro lasts longer and I was definitely irritated for quite a while.
I just don't understand it that well and whether someone can really help, will it ever end.....?

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/21

Pleasure, hope it will help.

Reply to JM
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/21

Thanks JM.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/21

Some Info from the Net,

Types of Mood Episodes Associated With Bipolar Disorder

Manic Episode (Mania) is a distinct period during which there is an abnormally and constantly elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week.

Hypomanic Episode (Hypomania) is a milder form of mania that lasts at least 4 days.

Major Depressive Episode (Depression) is a period during which there is either depressed mood or the loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities, lasting for at least 2 weeks.

Mixed Episode is a period of time during which a person experiences both manic and major depressive symptoms nearly every day for at least 1 week.

Types of Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar II Disorder
One or more major depressive episodes accompanied by at least
1 hypomanic episode. Hypomanic episodes have symptoms similar to manic episodes but are less severe. Between episodes, there may be periods of normal functioning. Symptoms may also be related to seasonal changes.

Bipolar I Disorder
One or more manic episodes or mixed episodes and often 1 or more major depressive episodes. Depressive episode may last for several weeks or months, alternating with intense symptoms of mania that may last just as long. Between episodes, there may be periods of normal functioning. Symptoms may also be related to seasonal changes.

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