Posted by: ME | 2005/12/14

OH SHI..............

Of late my wife has horrible disgusting thaughts about me. She thinks I may be cheating on her or am considering having an afair. She thinks I am having sexual feeling toward he teenage sister. She thinks I resent her in some way. She thinks that I think she is lazy.

I has become so bad that I have thaught about seeking comfort elsewhere. I love my family so much I can't fathum doing any of the above to them. It makes me so angry when she says these things to me. Every single minute I spend with her is an emotional rollercoaster that lasts for eternity as she is happy one minute,than agry, then somber.

We've been together 14yrs & in that time she has tied to kill herself twice & I know from family experience 1nce suicidle always suicidle.I've tried speaking to her but it just seems to make thins worse. I can't afford to send her for therapy & divorce is out of the question as I know I will lose my children who I will kill for. & you can't relly on family for help.

I have looked up BIPOLAR disorder & I think that is it. But it is impossible to talk to her about any kind of sickness or even our relationship. I am at my wits end.A thaught came into my head the other day that made me sick physically, & it's been in the depth of my mind ever since ( family murder ).

As a christian its a BIG UNFORGIVABLE SIN, & I will never attempt it. SO WHY IS IT IN MY HEAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

C9omfort sort from anyone else ( other than a counsellor ) won't being any comfort and will only make things still worse. See a counsellor, and see if you can persuade her to join in marriage counselling. It sounds as though she really does need a proper assessment and treatment, and it is tragic that this can be very obvious to everyone who care about her, and invisible to her.
And as Delene's example reminds us, it is possible to make plans that don't need large amounts of money.
Also, you are wrong about divorce--- many men have indeed gained custody, and it has become even easier to achieve more recently. And your wife's instability would count heavily against her in such a decision, which the court has to make in terms of th best interests of the child.
Bipolar disorder is chemically generated, and not ever caused by any specific event.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: fin/ex | 2005/12/14

you are in a situation and you dont see a way out, it seems...but there has to be one that does not put you and your family at risk but actually helps you to live better lives. enlist the help of friends, family, pastors, anyone ...and if no one can help intervene then look inside you will see great strength and you will get through this. stop telling your wife there is something wrong with her, it is i think perhaps making her more paranoid. ask her perhaps what you can do to make it better for her. what would help her feel more secure. stop telling her she has a metal illness and start asking her what is making her feel like she is. not everytime epople act out of character means they are mad/ill/sick...something may just be really bugging her and she's acting up. try get some calm in the house. it sounds like she needs to work on self confidence and self esteem and that you may just need a bit of a breather. you do not have to be her punching bag...its just my suggestion but try not to categorise her and just take a deep breath and try help her and very inmportantly you have to help yourself. phone lifeline and talk t osomeone there. please do. this is a rocky four months out of 14 years. it can get better. this does not have to be a death sentence. good luck.
ps. we all have hectic thoughts sometimes, the minute they come int oyour head best to flick them out immediately and put your mind to better use.

Reply to fin/ex
Posted by: G-Dad | 2005/12/14


Correction, the courts granted me custody in a disputed divorce, my ex also had suicide attemps, I had custody since my boy was 18 months and my girl 4 years at the same time, I have quite a few female friends who do not have custody and they have to pay maintanance as well, my ex is lucky I did not even bother.

Wake up and smell the coffee times are changing.

Reply to G-Dad
Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/14

Me, I am happy to hear you dont want a devorce. I'm so against devorces. Especially when its sumthing that can be fixed. And with treatment & medication, you both could be just fine.

Reply to Delene
Posted by: ME | 2005/12/14

Hi Nina

In the history of SA divorce no man has ever gained custody of his kids.

And besides I don't want that.She was & is the most extrordinary woman I've ever met, but what bugs me is what brought on this sudden change. I mean this condition she has just got worse 3fold in the past 4 months. I've never abused her in any way possible & from what I've read BIPOLAR is usualy trigered by some event.

I've benn with her 14yrs & never has she mentioned anything to me.

Ps. Thanx for the support guys, just speaking about this has made me feel better.

Reply to ME
Posted by: G-Dad | 2005/12/14

It sound like you and your wife have serious issues, yes mariage couseling you need as well but this stage you both need profesional help on your serious issues.

Go to a clinic and ask them to refer you and your wife to a state phycologist, you need it.

Remember if you do divorce, the courts will not give the children to a unstable person, where there is a risk of the person hurting the children.

If you get idea's of family killing out of your mind that is extremely cruel, if you get more Ideas like that, go to the police station and ask for the station commander, then discuss the feelings with him, I am sure he would be able to connect you with a state shrink.

Do not harm your children because you feel depressed.

Reply to G-Dad
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/14

hi there

it sounds like she has realy issues
why don't you seek help from a pastor or someone she trusts
maybe if she hears from them that she could be bi-polar will she be more open to medication

you can't go on like this for much longer - you live a terrible life
i can't imagine what your poor kids are going thru - you can't do more than what is humanly possible

i know the fear of losing the kids are what motivates to stay but that is not good for any of you - maybe if you go to a pastor and get their backing in a divorce - you might even get the kids

i feel really sorry for you and hope things will work out

take care


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Delene | 2005/12/14

You sound so panicky.
First of all, your wife clearly needs professional help and maybe sum marriage counceling would also be a good idea.
And for the sake of your Family, you should make a plan.
I recently asked Cs what to do when you dont have money. And he said to me to try a state hospital.I took my sister in law who is alos suicidal to a state hospital where she is currently receiving treatment. In one week, she is already a new person. Still a long way to go, but I can see the difference in her attitude that is for sure.
Pls do sumthing ASAP.
Best of luck

Reply to Delene

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