Posted by: Carli | 2006/04/03


My story - been divocved 5 years this month, in those 5 years have probably received maintenance for about 18 months. Ex is such a loser (actually psycopath is what i think). just took a call from him - as arrogant as ever. has lost his job 3 times in 5 years and started working 1 march. you would think that his first duty would be towards his kids by paying maintenance - oh no, phones me now and tells me he will pay when he can as he had to buy a car with his first months salary. a bit of history (you probably wont remember from earlier posts) - eldest son (22) - full time student (i pay for his studies) had a baby (obviously unplanned) - gf and baby lived with me for first 14 months without any contribution as her folks are another breed... son and gf since broken up so she's back with her folks. son has weekend job and pays ex gf r1000 for child so is unable to pay me - my ex had the audacity to stand up in maintenance court and tell the judge that son earns more than him so does'nt see why he should pay maintenance knowing full well that he does'nt contribute a cent to me - judge believed him and told him he does'nt have to pay for eldest son. younger son is a scholar (18) - judge said he has to pay for him, but as i said, to date nothing...
found out the eldest son and ex were out yesterday eating sushi and driking martini's etc. am so angry, just phoned eldest son and told him that he is to move out of my home today and move in with his father as he condones all this that is happening and actually i have had enough - his father can now take some responsibility because if they all think that they can have good times with the dad and i must do all the donkey work - they are wrong!!! i really do mean it this time as i have had enough - i will have to continue looking after younger son as he is still a scholar, but after matric, he must also move in with his dad!!!!!

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Our expert says:
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Hi Carli,
I can understand how frustrated and angry you may be. The guy who can't pay for his board and lodaging, can afford sushi and martinis ? Wonder how he'll get on with his fathe ? Maybe they deserve more time together ! Good advice all round to be cautious about assuming the youngest son will necessarily go the way of his older brother.
As for the "whatever" response, and the smug way some kids seem to assume that this is a brilliant and unaswerable answer to everything, I sometimes feel it should be a criminal offense incurring a significant fine, to utter that word in that way. But at 22, your eldest cannot stay in your home without your consent, I think you can ask the police to remove him, and get a court order to forbid him to bother you again. Or whatever.
Why not physically [ack his things and have a friend take them round to his dad's place while he's out ( if he ever bothers to go out ?) And then have your locks changed.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Carli | 2006/04/03

Only problem is - son is as arrogant as father!!! I am sure when i get home he will be sitting there watching dstv and ask me if i have lost my mind!! he had the audacity to say to me now when i phoned him "the fact that you and dad cant sort your maintenance issues out is'nt my problem"!!! when i said i want him to move in with his dad, he sarcastically said "whatever".. i am so lost as to how to handle this situation and so gatvol of all of this - besides physically packing his things and chucking him out - what do i do????
My chest is so, so tight and i fell like i want to explode

Reply to Carli
Posted by: Nia | 2006/04/03

Carli ... it sounds like you have already found some good direction! I would have done exactly the same as you. Even children must learn that life is hard and that you need to take responsibility for your actions. If your eldest child is not working, earning money and has a child to support then surely you do not have to support him anymore and he should contribute. Throw him out.

However, your younger son has not done anything wrong yet. Wait until he is finished with school and see how he treats you and then you decide what to do with him.

Reply to Nia
Posted by: Southernwrite | 2006/04/03

Go girl go ! - I agree let the eldest go and party with dad and stay and live off him. Dont be too hard on the youngest though he might turn out to be your bread winner one day -

Reply to Southernwrite

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