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Question
Posted by: MH | 2004/03/08

Nursery school nightmare

Hi

My husband and I recently took my daughter out of her nursery school after she came home the one day and they hadn't given her a single bottle the whole day. We also noticed that she was always hungry when she came home in the afternoon. She's 17 months old and my husband and I both work, so we don't have much of a choice but to put her in a creche. A woman and her daughter take care of the 26 children enrolled at the creche, which they run from their home. I took my daughter to the GP for a check up after I saw that she had terrible nappy rash. The GP referred us to the Teddy Bear Clinic, where luckily it was found that it really was just severe nappy rash, all the way up her vagina. The Teddy Bear Clinic undertook to inspect their licence, as they said it was impossible that only two people could care for 26 children.

The problem is that my child has regressed because of whatever it is that went on in the 3 weeks she attended the creche. She had started walking, but now she won't even try. She sobs her heart out when we put her to sleep in her cot and she wakes up all hours of the night screaming. She won't let me comfort her and will only go to my husband. She has temper tantrums and she just isn't the same child anymore. I don't know what to do. My husband and I are at our wits end and our relationship is strained. If we get 2 hours sleep a night, we're lucky. We are emotionally and physically exhausted and our child just won't sleep. It's as if she's terrified of being left alone when she's sleeping. We've even tried putting her in our bed, but that also doesn't help. Please give me some advice, I'm desperate.

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear MH,
So sorry to hear about your tribulations --- it certainly sounds as if there's something wrong at that creche. Maybe they don't realize that with 2 people and so many kids, they're bound to provide sub-standard care. You will need to be patient. Your daughter probably has many reasons for feeling angry and disturbed right now, and hasn't the ability to talk about it. Lucia's suggestions sound about right.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2004/03/09

Congratulations on your quick response to this situation. Pse follow up that something is done about this woman - report her to the Health department of your Local Municipality as well.
Maybe even contact other parents with kids staying at this hell hole?

You'll have to grind your teeth for a while. She needs lots of love and reassurance right now and she is feeling very insecure. As time passes, she'll get better. I can imagine the trauma this little thing is going through.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Lucia | 2004/03/08

Dear MH

What a traumatic time for mom, dad and baby. When I hear about situations like these, my blood boils - people such as these so-called care givers should be lynched for putting babies through such hell. Fortunately your tiny daughter has very loving and wise parents who picked up on her distress very quickly and did something about it - imagine those poor babies stuck in that place.

Your daughter does not understand why all of that happended and her only way of venting her anger and hurt is to "act up" when it comes to sleeping time, etc. It is going to take time for her to "heal" and you need to be patient. You must however avoid giving in to her every whim now because you feel sorry for her - she still requires a bed time routine and the usual boundaries. That is what mommies and daddies do - they love you to bits, but they insist you eat your veggies, only because they know what is best for you - if you "over" spoil and pamper her now and allow her to do as she pleases, she will become confused and take liberties of your guilt feelings.

Reassure her at all times and try to get back to a "normal" as possible routine asap. You can approach your paediatrician for medication to assist with the sleeping problem - good luck.

Reply to Lucia

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