Posted by: candice | 2008/07/15

Now he has changed but I just want out

My livein partner of 4 yrs,who I have a daughter with, has treated me quite badly for most of the time we were together. He really made me feel worthless and undederving of decency. 2 months ago i got tired and decided that being alone is better than being in a relationship that hurts me. he begged me to give the relationship a last chance and he has definately been trying his best to change. He no longer goes out drinking, he is at home weekends, he makes us a priority and takes responsibility for the family, even helping around the house. He never did any of this before, he has never even tried before to make me feel good, now he even buys me chocolate. That's a big deal because even on my birthday he used to say I'm not important enough to get anything.

I really do love him but my problem is this... why does this change not seem to mean anything to me. I still want out of the relationship and I feel so bad because I know he is trying. I have always dreamt of him treating me so well and now that he does, it doesn't seem to be enough to make me want to stay. I don't understand my conflicting feelings right now. At times he use to treat me so badly, yet I begged him not to leave me. Now he is trying and I just want out.
Can anyone explain what is happening as i am so confused it's actally depressing.

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Our expert says:
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If he's making a real effort, insist on him joining you in relationship counselling as well, to make the changes more significant and lasting. As for not appreciating these changes ( and that's something alsoto deal with within the counselling ) maybe you're carefully remembering your grievances, rather than recognizing that you may be getting what you wanted.

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