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Question
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/04/20

Not v nice in front of others, fine when we are alone?

Ola everyone

K, straight to the point ... I have a bf that is nice to me when we are alone, but when we are in front of other people he seems to v often put me down. He does it in a joking way most of the time, e.g. if there is an ad on TV for diet aids he will say to everyone present that that is what I need. (I am definitley not fat!)

He also eacts v uninterested in me and what I have to say - often talking over me or not listening. Obviously these sort of things will sometimes occurr when we are alone (as I think naturally happens due to misinterpretations), but I have definitely moticed that is happens more around others.

I have spoke to him about it and he says i am over sensitive and that he is not the typ of person to druel all over someone (i.e. me) all the time.

Any ideas as to why he does this? ... I think he does it someotimes out of habit and sometimes due to his own insecurities about himself - he is one of those people that the more insecure he feels, the louder and often more obnoxious he becomes. Do you think I should try turn a blind eye to it and not be so sensitive to it as he is nice to me in other ways ... and because I think I know why he does it alot of the time?

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Our expert says:
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And surely you have discussed this wirh him ? Next time he does the diet-ad trick, try saying calmly, "And isn't it a pity that they're not selling any aid for people who are rude ?" He sounds immature and bad-mannered. Being polite and friendly, is NOT "drooling" over someone. Maybe he's uncomfortable with his feelings of fondness for you, and like a little boy, sees this as something weak, so he tries to sound butch and unfeling, and merely sounds foolish. Definitely his own insecurity is the major force behind this. Why turn a blind eye to it ? You're not being over-sensitive --- HE is being under-sensitive. Why should you accept it, and suggest to him that it is acceptable ? If he has security problems, he ought to see a counsellor and sort them out

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pluto | 2006/04/20

Never turn a blind eye to any bad behaviour in a relationship, it will always come and bite you in the bum later on. When he does this kind of stuff, bring it up with him straight away and tell him that you don't like it and you won't accept him putting you down. If he carries on doing it, then to me it doesn't seem as he respects your feelings or wishes and then maybe its time to move on and find someone who does. You should not have to justify his actions.....

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