Posted by: SOSO | 2008/10/04

Not trustful

I have a husband who likes to sneak and search my things or clothes when I am no at home.I don`t know what to do because I am faithful and not cheating at him.When something goes wrong he blames me and want me to apologise if not he will say I am a disrespectful woman and stupid .I have 2 kids with him and I find our marriage stressful.He want to control my finances ,he says I should report every cent that I use to him.I am earning more than him.When he has to spend at home ,he complains saying I want to eat his money.Please advice I am not happy because I pay our bond,car and medical aid but he does not appreciate me.He cheated on me in the past and I forgave him.

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Our expert says:
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I suppose this is suspiciousness of cheating. Though it can also happen that some husbands actually have an interest in nwomen's clothing to wear themselvs. But he sounds immature and avoding taking responsibility for his own share of any problems within the relationship. As SR says, chaters often accuse their spouse of cheating, and like to make accusations to distract from whatever they may be doing wrong. If much of what you are spending is your own earnings, he can hardly expect you to accouint for it to him. Can you possibly persuade him to join you in marriage counselling ? It could be instructive to draw up a full budget, including all he earns and all you earn, and all that he spends as well as your spending, so he can see how much you contribute and perhaps how little he does. Don't be too eager to forgive him if it turns out that he is cheating again, but work with a counsellor to decide what is actually best for you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2008/10/05

its a reflection of his own behaviour:

1. He checks up on you and does not trust you = he is up to no good and cannot be trusted
.2 He accuses you of cheating = he is cheating
3. He accuses you of spending his money = he is hiding / creating a distraction for his own spending

Its impossible for someone to hold back their deeds, it eventually comes out in their words and actions. Some people use or relate to 2nd or 3rd parties to mask their own behaviour. Strange but true.

I love to listen to people, their words are powerful and tell me a whole host of things about them. I dont judge, I just sit back and wait for the action to follow .... it never fails.

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