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Question
Posted by: Lee | 2007/05/15

Not that into me?

I have been with my boyfriend now for 4 months and I love him very much. We've been eyeing each other for 3 years but neither one of us made a move. He was with a girl for 6 years and broke up with her for me. When she found out about me she even came to my house and attacked me and we ended up having a real girl fight. He told her to go away and leave us alone. Things between us were great and I've never felt that way about a guy before. All of a sudden we started fighting about silly things like he felt he was not good enough for me and I still felt a bit insecure about the ex but never mentioned it to him. One day I walked into his office and he was talking to her on the phone. I asked him about it and at first didn't want to admit that it was her. Later he told me and all of a sudden he broke up with me saying he doesn't know what he wants anymore.

We were broken up for a week when he came back and told me how stupid he was of breaking up with me and loves me and would never go back to his ex. STILL......he is still in contact with his ex and even hides that he is talking to her. When I am in his office and she phones he will tell her that he'll phone her back as he tells me he has respect for me not to talk to her infront of me.

The problem now is that he is getting a transfer 60km's away from me and I will only be able to see him on weekends. But as the weekends go by he always has an excuse that he wants to go fishing etc etc. I feel like he has become very distant from me and I spoke to him about it and he reassured me that he has alot of feelings for me.

I am on anti-depressants at the moment. Could me feeling like this be because in my heart I know something is not right or could it be of the medication.

I love him very much and don't want to lose him but I also don't want to play second fiddle in his life.

Please help!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't think we can blame the medicine. If he was such a heel as to dump you, well, though that's very hurtful, it proves two things --- that your instincts about him were accurate, and thet he was not worthy of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Lee | 2007/05/16

Thank you for your advice but its all over with. He dumped me and couldn't have a care in the world for me.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: g9 | 2007/05/15

when things get this confusing or unsure you need an intervention which is take the crazy step of going to see him make sure you tell him exactly what you want and what you dont like sometimes we think that someone does not love us anymore and you find out its you whose pushing him away or some deeper problem however im not making excuses for his behaviour or what he is doing all i am saying is this, ask him whats really wrong.
i went through a similar situation with the ex and its worse cause she is baby mama, and her clothes stuff and other things were in his house and he was not doing anything about it infact she use to come on tuesdays cause i had a late class, on saturday mornings shed pitch at his place. but i put my foot down told him that i am leaving him because i respect myself way more than he does and that if he wants me he will have all of me but that will only happen if he is all mine and she stops coming and end it completely, then my saving grace was the final decision concerning my health and i told him bout where his life is and where his future going with that women and dying young.
we are cool now her stuff all gone her phone calls limited she does not speak only the baby speaks she wants something she comes during the day and now she called me said i guess he really loves you.
ive learnt one thing about love it does come bottled in a perfume but its shit hard work to actually produce and ensure the survival of it so if you love some1 try to work at it and do something than make fast rash decision cause the end result smells really good
just my perception

Reply to g9
Posted by: tough one | 2007/05/15

I think you should trust what your gut tells you. Always remember the even if you ignore that little voice that tells you to move on, your body will begin to show symptoms of a burdened subconscience/ troubled heart.

You have to decide whether his issues and his excuses for them are acceptable and whether you can live with it. From the sound of it you are not coping and thus should rather end it.

How sure are you that he goes fishing on the weekends you don't see him? Maybe he's avoiding you on purpose and hopes that you catch the hint?

Reply to tough one

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