Posted by: Firechild | 2012/11/21

Not sure what to make of his comment

A couple of months ago my hubby out of the blue, says he can''t afford to divorce me as it would cost him too much money. Naturally I confronted him about the comment (he had been drinking at the time but was not drunk) and he said he was only joking!!! As a wife of 19 years, I did not find this amusing in any way! This is bothering me and I am beginning to feel that he is only staying because of the children. I supress this comment from my memory but it keeps coming back. 5 years ago he accused me of having an affair....that was not true but things have gone downhill from there. We had an argument one night and I packed bags for the children and I and planned to spend the night away from home, he saw this and went looney, the argument then became physical and he threw me over the bed. This behaviour has not happened again, thank goodness. I have tried to " fix"  it but have given up now. We argue constantly over petty things and I have become extremely defensive. He went through a stage where he would leave for work at 4:30 am, that eventually stopped but he is now doing it again. He says he hates his job but if that is the case then why is he leaving and hour and a half before he has to be there? He also likes to belittle me and nit picks about all the things I supposedly do wrong! We have a rule in our home that one''s cell phone is personal and only if permission is granted, may you use that person''s phone. Something changed on his phone and in a round about way he is trying to accuse me of tampering with his phone.....I have lost nothing on his phone and don''t touch it unless he instructs me to. We don''t have a sex life, I have pretty much given up on that aswell. He is unaffectionate and I used to ask for hugs but don''t bother with that anymore either. If we are invited out to parties he refuses to go and I end up going alone, then when I get home he wont talk to me for 2 days afterwards! I really can''t take much more of this, it is driving me insane! I do not have the financial means to leave and he knows that! I just wish I knew what was going on in his head!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As my old rule says, if he was the only one laughing, that wasn't a joke.
According to your story, he has been suspicious and accusatory without a basis, emotionally abuisive, and physically abusive on one occasion ?
Maybe a group like POWA that helps abused women could help advise you on how to aford to leave safely ; and you need good legal advice, such as from a free law clinic at your nearest law school. Even if he would probably blame you for everything, does he at least recognize that things are not good within this marriage ? Does he have any interest in improving matters ? COuld he possibly be persuaded to join you in mariage counselling to see what might be achieved ?
Does he have any family who might be sympathetic to your plight, and to whom he might listen ? Have you any family within reach who could help support you ?
lets see what other readers can suggest, too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anitra | 2012/11/26

I came, I read this artclie, I conquered.

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Posted by: Anon | 2012/11/23

How old are your children?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Firechild | 2012/11/21

We are in our early 40''s. Unfortunately his family have sided with him and it is his sister who planted the seeds of doubt in his head to begin with! My family all struggle financially aswell although I am sure that they would love to help. My sister mentioned counselling but as I pointed out to her, I cannot get hubby to go to the doctor when he is sick so I am doubtful that he will even consider counselling. I know he wants to immigrate to be near his sister and I am not prepared to leave my family so we are divided there aswell. I really don''t know if he recognizes there are problems, I am too busy keeping myself occupied to take note of that! Even from overseas my sister in law still stirs up trouble indirectly. I caught her sending e-mails to my mother in law questioning what is going on in my marriage. My mother in law in turn phoned my child and asked if things were alright at home which upset the child. I got angry and told my mother in law that under no circumstances is she allowed to contact my children and ask such questions as she is upsetting them. I find I am drained physically, emotionally and mentally I am trying to keep the house going under constant criticism, I don''t sleep well - max 4 hours a night if I am lucky. Sooner or later something is going to give!! My one child excells at sport and Dad is never there to support it''s always mom although dad has loads of leave and can be there if he wanted to.

Reply to Firechild
Posted by: Gogo | 2012/11/21

how old are you guys

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