Posted by: CANDICE | 2012/12/05


So I have posted before about my bf of 5 years bn committment phobic and not been able to decide what he wants. We took a few months break although he is clear now that he wants more committment there are no actions and everything is planed for the new year.(delaying tactic I think)

A few days ago I told him I needed a break as things were getting too much. This morning I phoned him after three days not talking and after some questioning it turns out he invited a lady friend over to his house for drinks - he did volunteer the info. So I have had to endure waiting around, been faithful and loyal to him while he sorts out his issues and I ask for just a few days and he phones someone else. I feel like a fool! They had drinks and chatted for two hours. He says he knows its me he wants and he is so sorry and can I forgive him? I actually dont know how to feel - thoughts of hurting him pop into my mind. How selfish can someone be. He felt I was pulling away so he calls someone up for an ego boost or backup or what? He now wants us to move in together...but I feel betrayed. Am I overreacting?

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Our expert says:
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I really doubt that he's "committment phobic" - this isn't phobia. he just hasn't found anything he wants that he cant get without committing to someone else.
Think about this.
Nothing you describe sounds like a guy who actually wants to commit to you. It doesn't sound as though he feels his relationship with you so seriously that what he did seemed to him like betrayal or anything serious. He apologised because he knew you would want him to do so.
Moving in with him would not be a step towards committment, it would give him more convenience without significant committment - it's burn bridges more for you than for him.
You've been highly accomodating for a long time, and he has had more than enough time to make up his mind. Move on. You deserve better than this

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Our users say:
Posted by: natalie | 2012/12/07

yeah, agree - definitely dont move in. Way to easy for him. He needs to up his game and hopefully ask you to marry him. Stay committed but lead your own life too. Meet freinds etc
Tell him when things are good what you are really looking for. 5 year is plenty time for him to make a decision about where the 2 of you will progress/ or not.
all the best

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Posted by: Milla | 2012/12/05

Moving in with someone who appears to still be looking at other options is not wise. If he was truly sure, he wouldn''t not be inviting other woman over and you also wouldn''t lose touch for days at a time. If you somehow feel you must still give it a chance then go for it, but moving in? You''ll likely end up regretting it.

I would move on personally, sounds like there has been ample time and many oppertunties to decide that he wants to commit to you and he''s let them all pass by. His loss..Not fair to expect you to settle for less than you want in life or to keep your life on hold while he makes up his mind.

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