Posted by: Anon | 2008/10/13

Not sure how to feel...

My fiance &  I have been together for 3 years. We moved in together after only 3 months and planned to marry shortly thereafter. All the plans where on their way when suddenly my fiance decided that everything was going too fast and wanted me to move out and wanted space. I feel he has difficulty communicating his feelings.

Well, obviously we worked through things.

Then he started taking drugs, cocaine &  heroin. Things became very bad where we lost everything and became so buried in debt. We could hardly survive because of his addiction. But I stuck it out cos I love him and stood by him no matter what. Shortly after my daughter was born he went into rehab and has been clean for over a year now.

We moved far away (and lived with his mom &  dad), that was too very difficult. But we survived.

Then he became friends with a girl much younger than him and was secretly sms' ing behind my back, had private meetings with her. Once I found this out I was heartbroken. But he swore nothing happened and he only kept it from me cos he knew how I would react. We got passed that too and moved on and moved out into our own flat.

We don' t seem to be communicating very well. We' ll fight, then just leave it and the next moment we fine with each other. I just don' t know how to feel. It' s like there is the gape between us. We don' t talk to each other at all during the day only when we get home. He doesn' t want me to be dependant on him but he earns more than what I do. He said to me in a fight that if we were to break up where would I go.

I realized that he could only be with me out of obligation. Where is the love???

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Our expert says:
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Once he starts on cocaine and heroin, no relationship can remain wholesome and practical. His primary relationship becomes the one with his chemicals. If he has truly got through rehab and remained clean, that's good --- but now see a marriage counsellor together to work out whatever is happening in regard to this other friendship of his and your reactions to it.

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