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Question
Posted by: Simple Question.. | 2006/10/25

Not so simple answer!

I don't believe in affairs, sex with other partners when you are married, it's against my religion and against our (husband & self) arrangement, which was if you find that you want someone else come clean... discuss it, etc.

My question, I'm 27, my husband and I have been together for 9 years, each others first and only partners. For the past few months I have been thinking about sex with other men... it's getting progressively stronger, the feeling to experiment and it's also just that, no emotional attachement or requirement just straight forward sexual intercourse.

Do I tell him that I want to get divorced just to have sex with other people and then 2 months down the line discover that I've made the biggest mistake of my life or also wonder and maybe a year or two from now have kids and then want to get divorced because I missed out???

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Our expert says:
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I fully agree with your opening comments. What you may be feeling is more a sense of curiousity about whether you may have missed something through this early committment. Actually, its unlikely that you have, but some marriage counselling could help to refresh this relationship, and maybe encourage both of you to be more novel and experimental. Getting divorced to have sex with other people would indeed be a really big mistake.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SQ | 2006/10/25

Thanks for the assistance with this...

Buzz, I think you might have something there, considering divorce is a lot deeper than it sounds...

Thanks for your time, you were all great!

Reply to SQ
Posted by: slr | 2006/10/25

sex is best when you love the guy and are best buddies....why do you want to go spoil it all just to feel what it is like to have a stranger's penis inside you??

do you really think it will be enjoyable?

Reply to slr
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/10/25

SQ, I first thought you were describing a fantasy, but when you said you're thinking of divorce, I realized it's more than just a fantasy.

People consider divorce when they're unhappy, not when they can't fulfill a fantasy. I think there might be something amiss in your marriage and you need to address those issues.

Let me assure you, sex with another man is going to be very similar to sex with your husband. In fact, it probably will be quite disappointing - that's why fantasies should remain just that.

I wholeheartedly agree with Rick!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/25

JK and SQ i have one question for both of you and me. What are you and I searching for??????????????? andswer that and you will be able to figure it all out. just wish i knew what the search was for.

Reply to kat
Posted by: JK | 2006/10/25

Rick I think that SQ are not in control of her feelings and maybe just fantasizing and not necessarily want to sleep with other guys. She does not believe in it and only thinking about it emotionaly. Maybe I can relate to her problem re my posting yesterday. It is just the fantasy allthough we realise that it will be the absolute wrong thing to do.

SQ - Read my posting from yesterday, I know what you feel, say and going thru but Rick had a very good response posted back to me and I think and the end of the day we should just be strong and believe in ourselves. Although it often slips my mind to I dont think I will go that far as in to having sex with someone else while with my g/friend.

I think I'm just confused alot!!!!

Reply to JK
Posted by: Rick | 2006/10/25

SQ

Prostitutes, bless their hard working souls, are people that have "no emotional attachement or requirement just straight forward sexual intercourse". Of course, they get paid cash for their time and bodies. I assume that you would regard physical pleasure, for yourself, as fair payment for strangers to have the free use of your body?

Seems like an enormous price to pay for 8 seconds of fun (according to Masters & Johnson, this is the average length of a female's orgasm). Still, some may consider it worth it because there is all the 'fun' of meeting someone new, the build up, the foreplay, the act itself and, of course, the 8 seconds at the end of it.

Recreational and random sex, without attachments, is a lot less glamorous than the inexperienced think. Ask yourself how a man, with whom you have no emotional attachment, would describe you after he had this unexpected bonus dumped in his lap. Would he say that you are nice person? Would he have impressed by knowledge of Russian Literature? Your ability to cook? To discuss the the potential conflict in the far east? Or would he dwell on the various protruberances you have and the ease that he had access to them? What STDs? AIDS? (Condoms, sadly, are less than 100% safe in this regard - would you risk AIDS, even at .5% of a chance?)

Sex is generally an expression of love between two people. Love usually comprises such nice, warm, fuzzy things like Respect, Trust, Hope, sunday lunches, family - good things like that.

Emotionless sex, as an end in itself, is hard to even think about for a mature adult.

Perhaps there is no love in your marriage. In that case, you may have reason to get divorced. It may even be the reason why you find the sex less than acceptable.

If there is love, then,obviously, the marriage is worth saving so you should consider improving the quality of the sexual relations rather than the quantity of sexual partners.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Yeah | 2006/10/25

I agree with Kat, enjoy your marriage and especially that the two of you have been faithfull to each other, even better. But I also understand your situation.

I was married to the first guy I ever went out with, he is 13 years older than me and I wasn't his first girlfriend, but then i realised that in our relationship, he was cheating on me and I left him, after 7 years of marriage. I am now in a rocky relationship with some guy that I have decided to leave. I have also been in 2 other relationships and believe me, my first marriage I would say was my best relationship untill i found out that my ex was cheating on me. BUT you have what every person wants, a partner that they can trust and love without any doubts. ENJOY IT AND FORGET SEX WITH OTHER MEN, IT WILL JUST BRING JEOPARDY TO YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

GOOD LUCK.

Reply to Yeah
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/25

have fun with your hubby, trust me if you guys are realy happy you are not missing out on anything..........
sex is sex if you are satisfied with hubby then dont waist your time. although your situation is more common than what you realise. there is more to a relationship than sex and if you have all of that sorted with hubby you surely can work on the sex.

Reply to kat

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