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Posted by: Maggie | 2004/11/01

Not so happily newlywed

Dunno if this sounds stupid, but I got married 3 weeks ago and I dont feel like a newly-wed...? Got back from honeymoon a week ago and since then we have hardly spoken 10 words. Hubby leaves at 06:30 in the morning and returns at 18:00, helps me with the household chores, but we dont have any conversation. (I try, but he responds with "hmm" and "oh" all the time). This weekend we had a monster fight about my friend that invited us for a drink (a female friend, btw). He used to like the girl, now he says shes boring and stupid. Except for work, we have not been out or had friends over since we got married. This is turning out to be boring and not what I expected at all. Arent newly-weds supposed to be happy and joyful, share their happiness with friends and family, etc? Or am I just being neurotic?

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Our expert says:
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How about marriage counselling ? Sounds like his work is over-absorbing him. being immediately happy in a marriage isn't compulsory, but desirable, and counselling may be the best way to get there. And as Chelle says, it can take a while to settle in, for someone used to living on his own and looking after himself and his own wishes, to take proper notice of his wife. be patient, communicate well and gently ( nagging, though tempting is counter-productive.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Coleen | 2004/11/01

Did you two live together before you got married? It took my man and I a year to settle with each other. We not married but living with a partner is kinda like a marriage. It takes time to learn how to live with one another and to get to know each others moods. Dont nag at him. You have to compromise and you cant expect quick solutions to tiny little problems. The key is to talk nicely as man dont react well to nagging.

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Posted by: TW | 2004/11/01

Remember marriage is about the 2 of you...

Try to put the others needs first its not about being selfish and always getting your own way. Also maybe he is going through a stressful time a work, be there for him and the key is to talk about everything...try get up early in the mornings to make and have breakfast together..let him unwind when he gets home from work and talk about other things later on...

you need the first few weeks to adjust and be patient. if you are already complaining it will come accross in your relationship and thats a big turn off for a husband. Always resolve little arguments so that you clear the air otherwise we as all people tend to hold grudges which is so not nesssary.

Most of all be his best friend, do little things you know he likes ect

Reply to TW
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/01

I think there is a settling in period to new marriages. There is often stress involved with the first bits of compromise, and the living together not feeling like being totally at home.
If things are boring for you, do something to spice it up. Life doesn't create the excitement for you. You have to make it happen. Keep communicating and give it some time- you're both still finding your way, and learning to live with each other as a married couple.

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