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Question
Posted by: Shirley | 2004/11/18

Not ready for kids

I am a few weeks pregnant and feeling totally negative about having a baby. I just don’t see myself being a mother and caring for a child. I didn’t feel like this before I was pregnant, in fact I really wanted a child. If I had known how I would feel now I would never have considered having kids, but it is too late for that now. I know this makes me a bad selfish person and I hate myself for feeling this way. Is it right to bring a child into the world when you don’t feel you want them. With every passing day the feeling just gets worse not better. I barely feel like being alive anymore. I can’t tell my partner how I feel as he is looking forward to having the child and will only resent me. What should I do? There is no one I can talk to as people are very judgemental when it comes to things like this and they won’t understand. You may suggest seeking professional help but I don’t know of any counselors in my area and I don’t know when I would be able to see them anonymously.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not uncommon for women, especially under the influence of the homonal changes of pregnancy, to feel ambivalent about that lies ahead. I've even had one woman, while I was delivering her baby, clamp her knees together and announce that she'd changed her mind and had decided after all not to have a baby !
You are NOT a bad or selfish person, but merely going through some of the normal wobbles of pregnancy.
You DO deserve to see a counsllor, who won't be judgemental ; and don't need to see them anonymously, as they keep the content of their sessions private and confidential. Call the office of your gynae who may know of some good local counsellors used to working with pregnant mums-to-be. And a good book could help a lot, to apreciate what's going on, and the wide boundaries of nomal.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gaybuddie | 2004/11/19

I could never say that I know how you feel, because I'm a man, and men and women's minds work differently! What I can offer is this. My sister is also pg, and I'm so excited for her. The day she came home and told us we all burst into tears, and so did she. She had been trying for a while, but had always put it off due to studying or work or travel, but at last when God decided it was time for her, she had no choice.

I wish I could be in your shoes, or at least have the choice which you have taken! So many people out there are dying to have children, and cannot. You are one of the lucky ones.

I would agree, that if you not feelin happy about this, then you should see a doc, you could do it at the same time as your gynee(spelling?) visits, that way no one would wonder!

Just some totally useles info, but Congrats, and good luck. I'm sure that when the beautiful little child comes into the world, you will feel so silly for having these thoughts!

Keep the love

Reply to Gaybuddie
Posted by: ... | 2004/11/18

Hi

Get yourself a pregnancy book, the one I have explain that you might feel exactly the way you do. I don't but that is just because I was struggling for such a long time.

When I first went of the pill I was late the first month and thought, Am I ready for this I don't think so.

Your hormones are playing with you

...

Reply to ...
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/18

Have you had a scan yet? Bet your heart will melt when you see those perfect little fingers and hands waving at you! I think its the pregnancy hormones thats causing all these mixed emotions, relax and enjoy the pregnancy, i loved being pg, the kicks, the cravings. I hope you feel better soon!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: A | 2004/11/18

I felt the same way - but let me tell you your whole life and outlook changes when you have a little bundle.

I felt I was too young at age 23 to have kids - still feel that way and I am now 32 - but am also glad to have had my kids young so at a later stage = I can start to relax and enjoy some peace.

Everyone is different and maybe you should mention this to your gynae - he will probably tell you its your hormones and that you do get rather hormonal at this stage.

Good luck

Reply to A

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