Our expert says:
YOur father is entitled to hope for a different relatonship between you, your husband and child, and his new wife ; but he isn't enitled to expect it, or to pressure you towards such a position. Now, your stepmother, though far short of the "wonderful" person he claims, but she might become usefully more "wonderful" if she was treated a little better. And I guess you folks will need to call her something ( other than "affair" !) And you can say: well, I already have a mother, my own mother, and she's the granny to our child ; and you have your own daughters --- what shall we call you ? How about Stepmom, and Stepgran ?" And if your dad objects, remind him that maybe he divorced your mother, but you didn't, and that it means no disrespect for his new wife not to call her by your mom's name.
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