Posted by: Lustless | 2003/03/25

Not interested in sex

I am 26 and a white male from Johannesburg. I have quite a stresful job and "fast" lifestyle in general. I am engaged and living with a girl that I've been seeing for 2 years. I love her very much and I'm sure she's the woman for me. My problem is that I mostly don't feel like having sex with her.
I do find her attractive and we have a very good relationship. We are best friends.
Let me add these facts though:
1: I have experimented with a couple of guys, but long before we were involved, but I realised it wasn't for me.
2: My relationship with my fiance started off as a friendship.
Just thought I'd add that for some more info.
Any suggestions or experiences will be greatly appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

If your erotic life has gone from an all-out sexfest to a G-rated event, you are not alone. While chronic aversion to sex is a serious issue, an occasional drop in your sex drive is perfectly normal.

The reasons for a lowered sex drive can vary from person to person. But the following will help you sort out the sources that might be taking the X out of your sex.

The work on your desk keeps piling up and your latest dot-com investment just took a nosedive. When stressful events take over, they suck the sexual energy right out of you.

You won't be feeling too sexy when your nose is running and the pile of Kleenex next to your bed keeps growing exponentially. But more serious illnesses such as hypothyroidism, diabetes, cancer, heart and lung disorders, and STIs may also be responsible for the drop in your sex drive. If you suspect something more serious, make an appointment with your medical professional.

Many prescription and over-the-counter drugs can decrease your sexual appetite. Well-documented sex drive crushers include antidepressants such as Prozac and Xanax but medication for hypertension, psychotropic drugs, sedatives, opiates and even birth control pills can lessen your interest in sex or make reaching orgasm difficult.

If you've recently married, ended a relationship, changed jobs or moved, you may be mentally and physically out of sorts. Lifestyle changes are yet another form of stress, and even if they are positive ones, they can sometimes adversely affect your sex life.

Relationship Blues
Temporary disinterest in your partner is normal. But if you're finding that the seesaw of sexual desire is grounded on the down side for an extended period of time, it could be tied to relationship issues. If there's tension or unhappiness in your relationship, it will eventually show up in your sex life.

Body Image
Learning to love your body is probably one of the greatest hurdles to developing a strong sense of sexuality. If you feel uncomfortable with your physical self, you may hide your body from your partner, which can lead to a slow down in sexual activity.

If you are depressed, sex will not be at the top of your agenda. Everyone experiences a bad day or two, but if those weeks turn into months, your depressed state will put your sexual interest on hold.

New Baby/ Fear of a pregnacy or fatherhood
For many men the thought of having a child is so scary that it can cause decrease sexual needs.

Drugs and Alcohol
Excessive consumption of drugs and/or alcohol may increase the quantity of your sexual encounters, but in the long run it can take its toll on your sex drive. Be aware if your drop in libido seems to correlate to an increase in alcohol or drug consumption.

If a lack of sexual interest is bringing you down, there are steps you can take to boost your sex drive. A healthy diet, the right amount of exercise and a daily dose of fresh air can help whet your sexual appetite. Allowing yourself to explore a new erotic desire or fantasy can spark newfound interest in sex. Talking about your sexual discontent with a trusted friend, your partner, an online support group or a good therapist can help you sort out some of the emotional or psychological issues that might be causing you grief. Sexual disinterest that stems from a physical problem, such as a hormone imbalance, or depression, may need to be treated with medication. Contact your healthcare provider for an exam and consultation.

Whatever the reason for your sex drive troubles, remember this: Low libido is a natural part of the human sexual response cycle -- what goes up, must come down.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: pammie | 2003/03/26

Dear Lustless,
I do really sympathize with you. If I maybe so bold as to ask a couple of questions.
1. Have you ever felt you were in the wrong body ? that You should have been born a female.
2. Have you ever stod in front of a mirror and "tucked" things away and thought about how "right" your body looked ?

I askas these are things that sometimes happen and one does not realize that they are "trans Genedered"but only think they are somehow "wierd", which is not the case. Yes you can still perform as a male, but the brain resists. That too may exolain the "experiment" with other men.
Give it some thought. If I am out of line, I apologze.

Reply to pammie
Posted by: sexy b | 2003/03/25

try to look at it in this way, it was friendship before you guys became involved, just imagine if it was love a first sight, would you still find her attractive after 2 years i'm sure, don't be discouraged because you don't find her attractive anymore, one thing i know she'll do, is ask if there's anything wrong she's doing, because the sex life is poor.
Don't make her blame herself for everything that's going wrong in your relationship, and you say you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, if you're so unsure of your sex life why not break off the engagement right now, unlike having to go through a divorce after tying the knot

Good luck pal

Reply to sexy b

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