Posted by: Savannah | 2005/07/13

Not coping...!!

As indicated on an earlier post, I had a miscarriage about three weeks ago (19 days to be exactly) and although I am back at work and 'coping' with it, I feel that no one really understands what I am going through. Yes, we did not ttc (I was on the loop for contraceptive and on the pill to regulate my periods) and were shocked when we found out (I went to the dr due to heavy menstrual bleeding) we were soon excited about the prospect of a new baby. I have four-year-old twins (boy and a girl) and always though we'll have another one when they start school. Although I only knew about my baby for three weeks (in and out of hospital trying to stop the bleeding and cramping) I saw him/her on a scan about four times and heard the heartbeat everytime. I really feel like I have lost a child, but it seems that people (and even my dr) don't realise that this is as traumatic as losing a 'born' child. I also have queries about my dr's treatment: When we realised the pregnancy he tried to remove the loop (Copper T), but the strings were too high up due to my uterus enlarging as a result of the pregancy. I then queried whether it could be dangerous to continue with the pregnancy (at that point labeled as a 'threatening miscarriage) and he said that it would make me more prone to infection, but that I shouldn't worry. Since he was wonderful during my (high risk) preganancy with the twins I trusted him and accepted what he said. He gave me pregnol injection and sent me home with uterogestan (to be taken twice daily). I started cramping and heavy bleeding and was in and out of hospital (on Ipradol drips etc) for the next three weeks and I continuously requested him to try and remove the loop (read somewhere that it could be done surgically while pregnant since your chance of mc in this case is 25%, but continuing with the loop inside it increases to 50%). He simply said that is was no option. I had a scan on the Friday morning (later that day the dr did a D&C) and again saw my baby and heard a heartbeat, but there was severe bleeding and cramping. The labour ward nurse said that I was not dilated (at about 3pm the afternoon), but when my dr came in about an hour later he said that there is nothing that can be done anymore and scheduled the D&C. At that point I was in so much pain, I would agreed to a sex change and I gave my permission. I blame myself terribly for not demanding a second opinion and don't think I wll be able to get over this.
PS: The lab results after the D&C indicated an uteral infection, which I think was probably due to the loop. Another thing that bothers me is the fact that my dr only did a white bloodcell count (to track for infection) on the day I was admitted (the Tuesday) and went ahead with the D&C without testing for an infection again.. .surely and infeciton could have been treated with antibiotics and I might have been able to retain the pregnancy... Am I being paranoid????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGynaeDoc

I am sorry for your experience but I think that your doctor did everything possible. If you fall pregnant with an IUCD, it can sometimes be removed in early pregnany, but often cannot. If the strings have been pulled up, the only way to remove it would be to cut the uterus open and this obviously would cause a miscarriage. The heavy bleeding and cramps indicate an inevitable miscarriage - i.e. a miscarriage that cannot be stopped. Infections in the uterus cannot be treated with antibiotics, as there is very little blood supply and thus the antibiotics do not penetrate through to the membranes and liqour. It sounds like nothing could have been done to avoid the outcome. Some counselling may help you get through the experience.

Best wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Moi | 2005/07/13

You've been through such a traumatic experience. from what you have said, there is nothing that you could have done that would have prevented it. You need to give yourself time to grieve your loss. You lost your baby, it doesnt matter that he or she hadnt been born. Maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor to help you work through your grief.
You are a much stronger lady than me, and i admire your strength and courage. I know it's hard, but try to focus on the two beautiful children that you already have, and just think, it wont be long until you are able to start trying for another beautiful child, if you chose to do so.

Reply to Moi
Posted by: Baby | 2005/07/13

I also lost a baby (through cot death) and i know the extreme heartache you must be feeling, there are no quick fix solutions to your pain all i can say is take it one day at a time. I sincerely hope that you have strong emotional support through this difficult time and that you will be able to find your feet again. Just know that you are not alone during this trying time. Don't listen to people who tell you that it is different because it was a miscarriage because it's no different from the pain the you feel when you lose a baby after it is born, he/she was afterall still your child. Stay strong and good luck for the future.

Reply to Baby
Posted by: Henra | 2005/07/13

Dear Savannah,

I do not really know what to say to you except that I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you, you sound in so much pain. I'm not even going to attempt answering your questions, as I do not have the knowledge, maybe someone else can shed some light......

All I want to say is please do not beat yourself up about anything, on what could or should have happenend and wonder whether you could have done something to prevent it. Just try and look after yourself, chat to friends and get better. Hopefully you will have a little bundle of joy soon again....

I know this sounds properly completely useless and off the mark and I can never imagine what youre going through...I just want you to feel on this forum, the girls here are wonderful and they understand.

Just wanted to sympathise and tell you your story touched my heart. I really hope your friends and family carry you through this difficult time. Please keep us updated.

Reply to Henra
Posted by: CC1 | 2005/07/13

Dear Savannah,

Wow, I don't even know what to say except that I am very sorry for what you have gone through. Firstly, I know from experience that losing a baby even if only from a miscarriage is extremely traumatic. It doesn't matter that your baby was not yet born and that you havn't held him/her in your arms yet. It is still your child and was part of your body whilst developing. Don't blame yourself for this, this is really not your fault. Your doctor should have been more patient and put more effort into finding the real cause of the bleeding and cramping as well as being more honest with you. The reason that we go to doctors is because we trust them and need their help and you obviously trusted that your doctor was making the right decisions and diagnosis for you. It also sounds as if you were willing to try anything to save your unborn baby so you are not to blame for loosing him/her. You are obviously a very strong person to go through all of this and I hope that you get over this hurt and anger soon. The pain will never go away though, just become more bearable, and the memories of your little angel will be with you forever - just be satisfied in the knowledge that if you have faith and believe that the Lord is your Shepherd you will see your little one again one day.

Reply to CC1

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