Posted by: Brother - Wedding Blues | 2008/01/15

Not comfortable attending his wedding

Hi Cybershrink

The advice you have given me has always been fab, so thanks and Happy New Year to you!!!

My brother of 38 is getting married for the second time. His first marriage was a disaster (our family paid) and it was short-lived. This new lady in his life is nice enough but she already has 3 kids of her own from a previous marriage (and they have a little one together). We are concerned that he is taking on too much and worry about the fiananical consequences for him. Its like history repeating itself. We are trying to be happy and positive for him. We (my mom, me and my other brother) are very uncomfortable going to the wedding and we hardly know his family. He accepts that there may be no-one from our side to represent him. We feel terrible. Its complicated (not to easy to explain here all the ins and outs). Not as simple as one day or just a wedding either. We are suggesting that perhaps we take him and his new bride out for a wonderful lunch at a hotel after the wedding. The last time we got so swallowed up in the trauma and the family this is the problem, and there is a child from that previous marriage too. We love my brother but are afraid to get too involved again. All the signs are there. We have cautioned him, but he is steadfast in his resolve. Please advise.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BWB ! And thanks for the compliment. Every groom-to-be tends to get nervous pre-wedding, and especially if a previous marriage was nasty. And this may be appropriate, especially if he leaped into this relationship on the rebound from the previous one. Would he perhaps be open to the idea of entering on some pre-mariage relationship counselling ? Faced with strong opposition to the marriage, he may well just dig in his heels and press ahead more firmly --- but if it's put to him that such counselling could help both of them to see that they can be more sure that this will suit them all, and that they can prepare for a happier relationship, he may be more amenable to the idea.

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