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Question
Posted by: bob | 2006/10/30

normal?

here's the situation: when my girlfriend goes out with me and friends she sometimes gets extremely tipsy. the thing is she says she hates it when i drink and get tipsy but she does it. am i right in saying its not fair on me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course it's not fair, or sensible for the sake of her own safety and health. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, as the old saying goes. And in this case, i do mean sauce. Tell her this is unfair, and that you don't enjoy seeing her get drunk any more than she likes to see you drink. There are other things one can do when going out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Red | 2006/10/30

This sounds so much like hubby and I. We dont drink during the week but on the weekend we will each have wine and beer...what I find with him is if we go out eg: club or friends place he becomes loud and very very flirty. Not agressive or anything but he would do and say things that are completely out of character......and sometimes hurtfull, especially the flirty part. The next day when I raise it he is nor argumentative at all and apologises and the next time it just happens again. Also when we go to a club, he will dissappear for long times...not that I expect him to be with me all the time but he will be away for like an hour or so.....?It has come to a point where I become quite anxious before going out

Reply to Red
Posted by: bob | 2006/10/30

i just thinks its severely unfair thats all

Reply to bob
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/30

maybe thats the problem you are more outgoing when not drinking, and thats what she likes about you. maybe you withdraw without even realsiing it.

Reply to kat
Posted by: bob | 2006/10/30

thanks guys, i did consider the effects of alchohol and she becomes extremely flirty and much louder than usual. i don't really drink that much and when i do i don't get that loud at all. but its much of a muchness, we're about the same i just don't get flirty.

Reply to bob
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/10/30

That's true Chelle, I didn't even think of the effects of alcohol on the individuals.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/30

I do agree in general with Buzz's response of "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" - just one thing to consider though, is that perhaps the things you do when you've been drinking are extremely out of character. It might be more to do with how you behave, than the fact that you've been drinking as such. Possibly her behaviour isn't affected as severely as yours when drinking.

It's just something to consider over and above the fairness of it all. I think that sometimes fairness has to be established in a greater context at times, than just assuming what is good for one person is good for the other too.

Best thing to do is talk to her about it and understand what those "double standards" are really about.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Kate | 2006/10/30

You said she "sometimes" does it, I dont think there is anything wrong with getting tipsy sometimes, but then like Buzz said it needs to work both ways.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/10/30

Most certainly, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She has double standards and maybe it's a good idea BOTH of you reduce your drinking so that it's not an issue in your lives.

Reply to Buzz

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