Posted by: Selma | 2009/07/15


If your partner / husband / wife threatens you with physical violence and hurting you and throwing stuff around, breaking cealings ect, during a fight where both of you are angry and shouting - is this abuse of some sort? My child is also having a very hard time excepting that her father can act this way. What must I do? This is only happened 4 times during the last 3 months in the 10 years that we have been married.

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Our expert says:
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It is abusive, and maybe abusive on both sides. But if this never happened before, and now 4 times in 3 months, hen something has changed. Mariage / couples counselling would be a very wise idea. This is not good for your child or yourself or your marriage, and there could be some problems ( at work, or wherever ) botheringhim, which need to be fixed, too

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2009/07/15

Abuse is abuse - whether it be verbal, mental, emotional or physical! How long before he loses it completely and starts hurting you and your child? He needs some anger management counselling by the sound of things! Have you asked him whether there are any underlying problems you may not know about? Is everything ok at his workplace? Your child must be terrified by his behaviour and you have an obligation towards your child to protect her from these types of violent outbursts.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Ja | 2009/07/15

" Just"  a fight doesnt seem to have the same effect on you, so he went one step further to get the same response.
Its just plain childish.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Liza | 2009/07/15

Sounds like something has seriously changed with it happening 4 times in the last 3 months while it didn' t happen during the whole rest of your marriage. I think that it is very important to find out WHY and WHAT has changed. Perhaps some couples counseling would be beneficial in that things are discussed in a much calmer manner and your child does not need to be upset by violence (even if it' s physically just inanimate objects)

Any kind of violence in the home is upsetting to children. Even when the violence is not directed at them. This includes shouting matches even without the threat of physical abuse. And threats of physical abuse is a form of mental abuse even if the threats are never carried out.

Good Luck

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