Posted by: Confused | 2009/10/30

No way out!

My husband used to verbally and physically abuse me on a regular basis. It was especially bad during my second pregnancy. I was always too scared to do anything about it because as a lawyer he always threatened to take myh children away from me. This continued until a certain birthday when his gift to me was bruised eyes and body. After that I tried commiting suicide several times until I ended up in a mental institution where the abuse finally came out. My diagnosis was post traumatic stress and the staff assured me that he won' t be able to take my kids away from me if I ever decided to divorce him. The physical abuse stopped but I could never trust him again and he still wanted to control my every move - I' m a housewife (slave!) and also home school my children. My husband works from home, thus able to run the household as he pleases.
When I finally dedided a year ago that I could' t take it anymore and filed for divorce, he did what he always promised to do and played very dirty make me out as a lazy, abusive mother. He took photo' s of every mark on the kids bodies and indoctrinated them into saying it was caused by me - they are only 5 and 3 years old and VERY attached to me, but I couldn' t get them away from him. After 2 months into the legal action he started begging me to come back. I said that he should give me a sworn affidavit that he has lied about the abuse and that I actually work very hard at home keeping the house clean and cooking healthy food. He did and I went back thinking that he has learnt his lesson.
He is still very controlling (but not physically abusive anymore) and verbally abuses the kids (especially the older boy who suffers from adhd). I cannot get myself to trust him and get very tense when he wants to touch me. He obviously gets very frustrated with this and blames it on me, saying that theres something wrong with me. I feel trapped and it seems that suicide or murder is the only way out. A huge problem is also that I' m obviously not the sharpes knife in the drawer and don' t know how to fight against him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Confused,

your story is very alarming and it seems that the problem is not so much that you do not trust him anymore as much as you do not trust yourself to chose the life you deserve to live.
You have reached a point of extreme despair where your feelings of suicide or murder seem the only way out and it is of utmost importance that you take proactive action for yourself and your children. Neither of those way out would serve you or your children.
Your husband has applied himself to try and "break" you for you to become compliant and submissive and deep down you know you deserve better, so instead of taking a destructive way out which would affect your children for the rest of their lives, claim what you deserve. Your freedom and happiness which will give your children the best gift ever: A happy mother.
You need to seek help and support with a family member, a friend or a social assistance and trust that you have the right to put an end to this abuse and you do not need a diploma to break free from a life of abuse.
You must consider your children and your safety first then you will have the opportunity to build your life on new grounds where you will have the respect that you deserve.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jenny | 2009/11/07

Let me assure you the comment that you received is right. You should be treated with respect, which lack in your marriage and in the end will cause resentment and disloyalty and distrust. Ive been there - done that. This abusiveness how small even, should never be allowed as when one looks at one' s partner for life, there should be total, unconditional respect and trust. Get out and stay out as these types of patterns just dont dissapear and iin the end your kids are suffering or one day will.

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