Posted by: BM | 2008/09/04

No trust


I am having problems with wife of 12 yrs ( 6yrs customary ), (8yrs legal). She still belive that a husband must financially. Okay, I bought a house in 1995 and a car in 2005. We have 3 kids of which I financially do everything for them. She is too much into what I do with my salary or money.

My BIG problem is that I stay in PTA and I inted to open a public phone business in Pietersburg - Bochum (Village/farm), where my late parents originated and I foresee this as a good business opportunity as the place is developing. My uncle , who stays there promised to take of it.

Now the problem is that I am not sure whether to tell my nosey wife or to keep it from her, because my wife does not spent money at home, simply because I earn far much more than her and belives that I am the head and should provide with everything.

I ve been struggling to educate her that even if I earn more than her, as long she is working, she should financially play a part at home, but to no vain. Everytime when we touch this issue, we end up in a serious fight to an extend that I regret to have started the issue.

Now that I intend to start this business and should it become a sucess , my wife will now be asking about the business money and all that. My other worry is that, should my wife get to know about the business which I did not tell her about, it' s going to be war at home . Now, do I tell her or not as both ways have the down side of it.

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Our expert says:
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Does she work ? Or is she purely interested in spending what YOU earn ? If she works and earns, she should contribute towards the expenses of the home and children, too. Its not fair for someone to insist on picking out the bits of traditional culture that suit them, and ignoring the rest. OK< at times it was seen as purely the man's task to provide for his family --- but in those times the woman didn't work or earn anything herself. What does she spend her earnings on ? IS she an earning mother who spends everything on herself and neglects her children's needs ?
Could any members of your family or hers help her to be more realistic about money matters and family responsibilities ?
Could you persuade her ( during a calm time ) to join you in marriage counselling, to work out some of the differences ? Good luck with your business plans --- as it sounds as though she would interfere without being helpful, you may feel you don't have to tell her. As you say, as she seems invested in grumbling and focussing toommuch on your koneys, she'll be unhappy either way. Is she likely to find out about it fairly easily ? If so, you may as well tell her yourself. If its unlikely, maybe at least wait until you know whether it is succeeding or not, before deciding to tell her

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Our users say:
Posted by: BM | 2008/09/04

Thanks CS, I won' t tell her now and I am going with the business plans anyway.

Reply to BM
Posted by: bm | 2008/09/04

Thanks Case , the issue here is that do I tell her or not about the business.

Reply to bm
Posted by: case | 2008/09/04

I think the man is the head of the house, but still I feel if the wife also earns a salary, doesn' t matter how big or small, she should also contribute to the household. If both earn a salary, I feel that the husband &  wife should discuss who is responsible for what expenses in the household. If the case that they have discuss who is responsible for what expenses the other one should not interfere the the other one' s money if there is any left. As long as all the monthly household expense are covered the rest is up to you how you want to spend it if there is any money left of you salary if all expenses are paid.

If you feel that you want to start your own business, go all out for it.

Good luck.

Reply to case

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