Posted by: Vee | 2004/11/02

No sex please we're British

You guessed Doc I am dating a British guy (by the way the sex is great )and compared to all the other S.A. men I've have relationships with he wins hands down as far as manners, consideration, respect etc. etc HOWEVER he never using an endearment and says he finds it difficult to say "I love you" for instance. I understand that maybe that is the way he has been reared but it is slowly becoming a problem. Women need to hear compliments etc. He says it is my self image that is at fault and I shouldn't rely on other to boost me. He has a big ego and leaves no space for compliments although I find a way, because he compliments himself so to say. Is this going to be a problem in a marriage or do I have the problem to sort out and just live with this. I have spoken to him but I cannot change him. What do you think?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Vee, some of the Brits are reticnet about speaking about their emotions. As you've discovered, that doesn't mean that they dont have emotions, just that they don'[t broadcast them. Have you considered a spot of pre-marital ( should it go that far ) relationship counselling, to work on this issue, both of his reticence, and your eagerness to get affirmed by endearments ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/03

hi girl

no where in the world will you find a perfect man and you have to decide what is important to you and what not

you both ave to make compromises for the relasionship to work - if he is not open to listening and helping you in an area you need help ( obvilously you need to work hard on it aswell - the self image)

take care


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/02

He is right - you have a problem with your self image and should work on it.

If you know he loves you and he shows it, why do you want to hear it from him in words. Actions and deeds count much more than empty words.

This is only an issue to you - so you must sort it out or else it will eventually sour your relationship.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Jenna | 2004/11/02

Vee, I do understand that women do need compliments now and then...but bare in mind that you should not worry to much about this. I do not think that this will cause a problem in your marriage if you two love, respect and trust each other. Like you say, maybe this was the way he was brought up, is it fair to expect him to change for you? It is the way he treats you that shows what he does not say. Enjoy it! Others might disagree with me, but this is just my opinion.

Good luck...

Reply to Jenna

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