Posted by: annony | 2012/11/12

no sex drive

i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and he is the most wonderful thing in my life. i am 20 years old and have an enormous sex drive. i am a regular masturbater etc...

but my boyfriend has a low sex drive no matter how hard i try he cant get it up and it makes me feel awkward because i have never had that problem before since im so keen and willing to do new things

occastionally his libido makes an appearance but i feel like its forced. i have told him to go to a mens clinic to enquire about his ''situation'' but he brushes it off.

we have tried using marijuana to stimulate our drive but it just works on me leaving me once again frustrated

i love him dearly but we are young (hs 25) i dont understand how he can have this problem

is there anything i can do to stimulate him? change in food etc

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This must be a frustration for you. It seems that you describe that your boyfriend has a low sex drive but you also mention that he 'can't get it up'. This could perhaps be the cause of his low desire, perhaps because of the fear of failure. It is very important that he has a checkup to find out why this is happening. It can be due to psychological reasons, but erectile problems may also occur for a number of physical reasons, the most problematic of all could be serious health issues and so he needs to have a physical check up to exclude e.g. diabetes, hypertension, raised cholesterol. It could be the side effect of medications for example.
If a physical cause is excluded, it could be that he has psychological blocks - this is where he may fear sexual failure/poor performance, and this essentially blocks the normal workings of the sexual response. If there is conflict in the relationship or he has individual concerns (e.g. not feeling 'man' enough, etc), this could also affect his erection.

There are treatment options for erectile dysfunction - both pharmaceutical and psychosexual - why not consider some of these option together to see how this can be addressed.
As a first recommendation - try to get your boyfriend checked out physically by a GP or urologist. If he gets the all clear, then both of you go to see a health professional with experience in this area.

For further information please consult SASHA’s website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Bob | 2013/02/05

please help, I have been having a sexual rush around my penis for about 6 years,i thought it was a hygienical problem and tried to be as clean as possible but it does not go away or desapear for a while only to reappear in a different place, please help me. i have also seen the doctors but they seem not to help

Reply to Bob
Posted by: farouk | 2012/11/16

When imy penis is hard i try to penetrate it goes soft

Reply to farouk
Posted by: Dave | 2012/11/12

Your boyfriend has a classical case of sexual performance anxiety (Google it, if you want more info)
I am only 24, have had the same problem for about 4 years now. His libido or sex drive probably isn''t the problem, the anxiety just creates a reluctance to engage in sexual activity, hence him " not being in the mood" 

My solution to the problem is taking sex pills e.g Super powerful man etc... they work, but dependancy is a big worry I have.
(Visit your nearest adult shop and some chemists)
Your support is going to be key in finding a solution, so be by his side all the way.
(By the way, sexual problems aren''t for old people only, as people think, so don''t be so surprised that at 25 this is happening,oh and marijuana will only do more harm than good)

I have also been to Men''s Clinic, they didn''t really help

Reply to Dave

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