Posted by: naome | 2008/12/03

No sex after cheating

since i found out that my husband has been cheating, i confronted him about it he admitted he only slept with the other woman once, and that he has ended it with her. I forgave him, we went for aids test which were negetive, then we once or twice made love but to me its not the same the minute he starts getting excited something says to me is he sleeping with me or is he thinking of the other woman. Since then i have lost interest in sex and have told him i cant do it anymore. What also kills me is that I have a lot at stake here, I literally pay all our bills and cant accept after all that how can he do that. its been 2 months now I dont feel like having sex with him at all, am i being selfish

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Our expert says:
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Whether or not he is still thinking of the other woman, we can't tell you, and maybe even he couldn't. But isn't marriage counselling what you bothn need to get involved in ? You're not being selfish --- if you don't feel like sex and are emotionlly upset by what happened, that's reasonable even if inconvenient for both of you. Counselling is the way to go, to understand each other better and explore whether the relationship can be healed, or whether you are moving towards parting. But doing so with the benefits of expert advice and more honest and mediated communication about all this

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Our users say:
Posted by: felicity | 2008/12/03

I don' t think you are selfish at all! After I found out about my husbands affair I actuall kept visualising him with the other woman and I had so many doubts about his lies he had told I couldn' t bear to have him near me.Even after counselling where he basically said I had forced him to have the affair as I had too involved with the kids he didn' t show enough remorse. We are in the process of getting divorced.

Push for counselling and try and get him to communicate because as much as I was so hurt and angry I did have a role to play in his affair however his insecurities made him look elsewhere for validation and didn' t stop him a year after the first one for looking for no. 2. What made me really worry was how totally different physically these women where from me.

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Posted by: also | 2008/12/03

Not at all... he is the-|-that cheated!!! I did the same- i could not even look at my husband (4 yrs ago)... we had to do therapy to get things back to normaal...these days he is the one that is afraid that i will ' jol'  - but- THAT aint my style....

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