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Question
Posted by: What? | 2003/12/09

No Sex

My partner, has got a clean bill of health and now its my turn to go for an HIV Test, not that I don't want, but if am clean he wants a baby right away that is why I dont want to go. He said we wont have sex because he hates condoms and I prefer them because at least I wont get pregnant (he doesn't want me using contraceptives either).
We went tenting last weekend and he didn't even touch me during our stay because of this. He thinks this is the right time to have a baby and I am not ready for a family because he likes travelling which won't be good for the baby.
What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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Dear What?
At one level the answer is extremely clear. If you don't fel ready to have a baby yet ( and you're probably right ) then the two of you aren't ready. You call him your partner, which seems to mean that he has not taken steps to make a long-term committment to you in any way he can't easily wriggle out of ; and one wonders why he is suddenly so keen for you to have a child by him, irrespective of respect for your wishes. Is he trying to prove his manhood, or something similar, perhaps to someone else ? if this guy so hates condoms, dies he plan that you should emain permanently pregnant for the duration of the relationship ? And why should he object to you taking the pill ? I'd be inclined to leave him there in the tent, alone, and wait until you find a partner with more respect for your felings, and for the well-being of a baby.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/12/09

No ways should you give in to this guy's crazy idea. Crazy because he does not seem committed to you at all. I mean, you spend a weekend in a tent, and you don't even kiss and cuddle?? Something is wrong here. He's either not honest about his feelings, or he's hiding something, or he has some hang-up that spells trouble.

Having babies is a mutual decision, if possible. It's best to have a baby within a secure family unit of mommy and daddy. A baby is not a puppy you can give back to the SPCA. Kids are helluva expensive these days. Has this potential daddy had a look at the price of nappies and all the other baby paraphernalia? And that's only the start ... Is he willing to go for months without decent sleep, getting up when his baby cries?

And he wants to travel! Sorry, but if I were you, and I honesty wanted to be with this peculiar man, I'd simply take the Pill and shut up. Okay, that's devious and probably impossible, but you are not an incubating machine. He doesn't even want to touch you unless you conform to his baby-making requirements? Not offering all his love, his home, his ring, a secure home?

Beware ... Perhaps you should think again about this relationship.

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Pauk | 2003/12/09

Tell him to stop being selfish or you will leave him, no kids unless/until both partners are ready. He sounds like a Mr D Mr I Mr C Mr K!!

Reply to Pauk

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