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Question
Posted by: Pluto | 2007/02/20

No self confidence at all!

Man, I am feeling really down in the dumps lately. Been trying to put my finger on it and now over analysing everything which is making more issues out of nothing!
Work is awful at the moment, I have been with my company for 8 years and am trying desperately to get out of this industry but its not easy, plus I have a restraint of trade that prevents me working for a similar company which means no one will hire me in MYindustry. I am so demotivated and not performing well at all!
Hence my self confidence has taken a huge beating which is affecting my relationship with my family, friends and mostly my husband. I am a total people pleaser and go out of my way to make everyone elses life better and easier at the expense of my own! My family piss me off! and I am too chicken to say anything to them and end up taking it out on my husband. Because I am always worried about what people think of me, I try and always do everything like they want it done and now I make my husband do that as well. I tell him what to do all the time and get upset with him if he doesn't do things the way I want them done!

Any suggestions, anyone? I feel like my wheels are spinning and I am just not going anywhere....sorry for the babbling.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe some personal counselling, for a start, focussing on self-assertion ? And recognize that other people have some degree of duty to please you, at least as great as your modest duty to please them,

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Our users say:
Posted by: Buzz | 2007/02/21

Like I said Pluto, recognizing the problem is a problem half won. I think wanting to please others' is never a bad thing, on condition it's not compromising the essential self. The feelings you're experiencing now, is saying that you're pleasing others at your own cost which is wrong and will bring feelings of resentment and manifest in close relationships.

I hope the book has meaning for you. Also that you sort things out as far as your career is concerned.

LOL - I'm not telling you what to do, but why don't you buy your books at a second hand book store - you can buy 3 books for the price of 1 new book!!! When you go there, ask for "Finding your North Star" by Martha Beck - if they don't have it - ask them to phone you when they do. This book and all Martha Beck's writings, is phenomenal (she writes in the O, Oprah magazine too). She also wrote "Expecting Adam" and The Joy Diet. All good books.

Good luck Pluto, you'll get there!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Pluto | 2007/02/20

Thanks for the responsed Delene and Buzz. Buzz, I am definitely going to buy that book (busy on Kalahari.net as we speak). I just annoy myself so much with the way I am always trying to please people and my poor husband just gets the brunt of it...I would never have been as patient as he has been with me.
I am at such a loss on what to do about the job situation, I am going to have to sit down and really have a good think about what I am going to do and what I want to be doing.
Thanks again

Reply to Pluto
Posted by: Buzz | 2007/02/20

Pluto, I think I suffer with analysis paralysis too, and often it feels like the wheels are coming off, but in reality it isn't - it's all in our minds. The one good thing is that you're aware of your people-pleasing attitude, you're half way to winning the battle. Joyce Meyer wrote a book, "Approval Addiction" - I found a lot of wisdom and guidance in that book. Let hubby be, you can't change him and maybe you can learn from his attitude (maybe not being a peoples pleaser).

Have you considered studying something different, doing a course/diploma to get you out of this industry and it will also boost your confidence levels?

You're a kind hearted person Pluto, consider being a bit kinder to yourself!!!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Delene | 2007/02/20

Hi Pluto, I so relate.
Although I enjoy my job, I need to take critisism from clients so much & it just gets to me.
yesterday was a bad bad day, where I was accused of not doing something by a client. This clients made sucha racket that I really felts like just resigning (I forgot already that I have done it btw....) The worst was, that I had to write a report for them, that had to go out today. I was so demotivated to do anything for this client who has only been giving me crap from day one.
Yet, last night I sat till late to do it anyway. Not for them, for myself, Man I wont give him any satisfaction of NOT having it done.

Very pleasing feeling to rub that in his nose..LOL

Reply to Delene

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