Posted by: Anger Adult Child | 2008/10/21

No Privacy at home

I really have no privacy at home. I' m 35 years old, and gave up my job in KZN, to return to CT to help out with my mother, who is a chronic diabetic.

The problem I have is that she discusses all my personal business with other, including strangers. I feel violated all the time, and hate that I have definitely lost my privacy. I have asked her to stop, but she still continues to do it. It leaves me frustrated and and angry. She will even listen at my room door when I' m on the telephone. No matter how I' ve stressed it, she continues doing it, I don' t have this issue with my dad.

I feel like I' m being treated as a child, and there is no lines of respects for me. How do I stop her from gossiping about me?

Angry Adult Child

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Mothers, Lord love 'em, can retain the habits of mothering even in ways that aren't pleasing or helpful. Maybe especially because she is now facing the facts of serious lillness and dependency on you ( needing to in some ways be a child to your mothering ) , she is in a way trying to make up for it by unnecessarily mothering you and treating you as a child. There may be some things she needs from you in the way of care for her illness, but this is not 24 hours a day, and you need to find ways to live your own life in between chores and duties of care.
And do, indeed, make it clear in a calm way that what she is doing shows no respect for you, and you will not stay there to care for her unless she changes. And why can't your dad help to discourage her annoying conduct in this respect ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Joooo | 2008/10/21

Tell her ur going to move out and stop caring for her cause she does not respect you.She is unthankful and does not deserve u.Tell her to go get the ppl she is gossiping with,to care for her.

Reply to Joooo
Posted by: Just M | 2008/10/21

Try this:

Make up a story about yourself which you know will shock her to her core. Then, when you are sure that she is listening at the door, tell this fake story to a fake friend over the phone.

The story has to be so shocking that she won' t want to listen anymore. You can even try having some fake phone
s e x which should embarrass her enough to stop this behaviour.

Reply to Just M
Posted by: karen | 2008/10/21

Perhaps you should find a life of your own away from your mom, i know you say she is ill but sometimes we cant carry the burdens of others. What life will you have if this continues, she clearly doesnt respect you as an adult or she is just not aware of it. is it really worth it? good luck

Reply to karen

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