Our expert says:
You understand, of course, that after the ugly experience of abuse, it is the act itself that has so many unpleasant memories attached to it that it is truly unpleasant for your wife to even think about it at this stage. You understand that this is in no way selfish of her --- it was profoundly selfish on the part of the wicked man who did this to her. Fortunately, from what you say, the two of you still have a whole range of other ways in which to enjoy sex together, meanwhile.
It sounds as if your wife has continuing distress arising from her experience of child abuse, and she surely deserves to see a psychologist to work through this problem, so as to free herself from the unpleasant ways in which this has left her feeling about such experiences. This should be able to improve her quality of life considerably, and increase her potential happiness. And if she is freed from the nasty ideas about "sluttishness" that have become attached to oral sex from her abuser, that should have the added benefit that both of you could increase your repertoire of methods of achieving shared enjoyment.
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