Posted by: Worried | 2009/09/01

No libido

Hi, After 2 years of friendship, being housemates and starting dating, i am now getting married to a wonderful man, my best friend and the love of my life. We are now 3 months engaged and our wedding is in 6 months. Everything in our relationship is 100%. We communicate well , respect each other, we feel save in our relationship and commitment to each other, do not have financial or work stress. We are both healthy adults with no medical problems. However, since I' ve known my partner, I' ve picked up that he is not very " physically aggressive"  like most men are. He will kiss my and hug me a lot, but never tries to take things further. I am his 1st girlfriend. I have had lots of relationship experience, and find it very strange that a man does not have ANY need for a physical relationship. He also does not get aroused when I touch him. We have been to Urologists, and they have started him on anti-depressants for 4 months. This did not help one bit. In Fact, I was worried about this to start of with,, as we all know that antidepressants kill the Libido. We now have to go for a blood test again, and back to the doctor. In the mean time this is frustrating, and we are desperate for quick results, as our wedding day is coming up. The lack of physical closeness, is creating a big barrier between us now. I am at a loss. He is a healthy, well endowed, 35 year old male. How can we overcome this problem?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

Your man needs a thorough assessment. I would get all his blood tests done - cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, thyroid and then test his sex hormones- urologist will know what sex hormones to test for. Also he should have his life style assessed as checking on his alcohol/drugs/medication/ food and exercise and of course smoking is a risk factor. Once he gets a clean bill of health then its time to visit a sex therapist or a psychologist who knows how to do a sexual history.
I would imagine that social/psychological/sexual issues are interfering in your man's lack of sexual interest more than medical matters. For example, you say that at 35 you are his first girlfriend - quite unusual - has he been masturbating for sexual enjoyment all these years ? I guess not. So he probably is not sexually confident nor driven due to other factors that have inhibited his sexuality over the years- religion is a real killer of sexual interest in young people .
So go through this process and allow someone professional to uncover his sexuality so you have an idea of what is going on - it will wear you out over time as you will feel personally rejected. deal with it now as it will get worse, not better over time.

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