Posted by: Tinkerbell | 2009/01/14

No interest in Sex

Dear Doc

I' m in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We are extremely happy, except our sex life is horrible. We only have sex once a month, maybe twice. And it is all my fault. I have no interest in sex. I enjoy it only that one or 2 times, and the rest of the time, i have no mood, no interest,no libido, no nothing indicating that i want sex.
If we do have sex, i tend to close my eyes or just look away. I cry often after sex.
I don' t like to be on top, most of the times it hurts. But overall i just don' t like it.
I get irritated when he touches my nipple. It is a horrible feeling that leads to feeling irritated.
My boyfriend is very understandable but it bugs him and he thinks that the problem lies with him. But i can' t seem to get through to him that it is not him, nothing about him. He is attractive, sexy, cute...(the list is very long)
I love him to bits and will do anything.

I was raped in Matric and never told any one, except my boyfriend and my best friend. I never seek any help whatsoever.
Could this be the underlying problem?

What can I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Getting raped surely leaves scars – I will definitely recommend that you seek professional help to assist you in dealing with the trauma and the way it impacted on you emotionally, your life and relationships. You deserve it!

The fact that your are mentioning that you experience pain during intercourse is a clear indication pleasure will be the last on the list – or that you won’t be in the mood or have any desire – due to your expectation that pain will once again be a strong possibility like before. Pain during intercourse is quite common amongst women – might provide you with some reading material that will be insightful.

Couple counseling with a psychologist specifically dealing with sexual concerns – pain during intercourse – will be helpful for you and your boyfriend as it will provide you both with insight and exploring of possible ways to prevent pain and increase the love and emotional intimacy that you would like to experience in your relationship. You can contact our helpline – 0860100262 for a referral to a professional.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sexy | 2009/01/14

Hi tinkerbell, i was sexually abused when i was a young child by a family member and as i was growing up i just could not go out with a guy, i was put off if they tried to hold my hand or touch me even their body smell, i just wanted to throw up.
I got councelling and it changed my life, its not that i think alot of myself but i' m an attractive woman and love sex obviously only with my husband, but before than i had so many guys that wanted to date me and i always made excuses, after the counselling i came right and now married and two gorgeous little girls, but i must say i had my first kiss at 19yrs old and lost my virginity at 22yrs, so long it took me to get through the sexual abuse, so pls go seek help your love making can be so special and mind blowing.

Reply to Sexy
Posted by: j | 2009/01/14

yes maybe that is where your problem is of being raped when you where younger, but you then need to seek help and like you said he is very understandible you need to hold on to him and trust him for being so patient, my advice is to seek help.Good luck

Reply to j

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