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Question
Posted by: MIA | 2007/03/03

NO GOING BACK

Been with a partner 4 five years. Great in the beginning.
Later became jealous and abusive. Mentally and phisically. At last got him to move out of my house.
He still call, sms and visit regularly. We were not married (thank goodness), but he regrets the past. Just can't go through that again. Don't want to be rude, but how do I get the message through that I need my space, and pick up the pieces?

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Our expert says:
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JUst tell him, one final time, calmly and firmly that you need your own space and can't face even the possibility of the relationship becoming unpleasant again, and wish him well. Then change your phone number. Lynda is right, and calling POWA could be helpful, espwecially if there is any possible risk to you from him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: MIA | 2007/03/04

You are all so absolutely right. Had a demanding job, and was always quite strick with people not sticking to the rules. Now when it comes to my own problems I crumble. Quite pathetic.
But being scared is NOT funny.
Not quite sure who to contact in my area but will find out.
It sure helped talking about my problems. Hope 2 be not so gloomy next time around. Computer is still new 2 me, but never thought it could be such a wonderful way of communication!
By the way I have police and doctor's documentation on the matter, but find it very humiliating for going to those lenghts.

Reply to MIA
Posted by: Britty | 2007/03/04

Mia, Lynda is right with her advice. As you chucked him out when he was giving your trouble in the past you sound like a very strong person and I think you have the strength to tell him straight out that he is not wanted. Is there family that can support you in this matter - if nothing works maybe you could go the legal route which may get the message across. Good luck.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Lynda | 2007/03/03

Dear Mia, why not just tell this man straight that its over. There is no future. Don't feel sorry for him, he has been abusive, you don't want to allow him to manipulate and control you. You need to take back your power and be assertive let him know in no uncertain terms how you feel. You are entitled to live the way you want to live. If you fear for your safety and he has threatened you in any way, you need to call POWA, they will be able to help you. Women who have been in abusive relationships whether mentally/physicall/emotionally usually end up lacking self esteem and confidence, as their abusers try and break them down emotionally mentally and physically. Remember to be kind to yourself, put yourself first here and get some help. Perhaps counselling for yourself. Take care of yourself.

Reply to Lynda

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