Our expert says:
It sounds significant that you noticed a drop in your desire around the time you started planning a family... the other factors which may have been there before (e.g. tiredness, time taken to pleasure her). It is not uncommon that when one problem occurs, it can be a bit like a domino effect where other problems seem to either be exacerbated or created (e.g. talking about your interest in sexual play with the other couple).
Given the duration of your relationship, you have been doing well not to have noticed a drop in libido until last year, as couples frequently find that spontaneous desire declines after the first 'flush' of the new relationship (anything between 6mnths to 4 years)!
The fact that your desire dropped when trying to start a family needs further exploration - spend some important quiet time searching inwardly to check out what your concerns may be about this as these should be addressed before you are successful in achieving your goal!
I would recommend that you not only address any concerns you have about the family, but also help yourselves as a couple to maximise your sexual relationship - this means trying to address the tiredness factor (more quality time together, eg go to bed earlier so that your intimacy is not only when tired and you are frustrated with how long it takes her to reach orgasm). Date her again, get back in touch with what it was that you fell in love with, and focus on that, work to please her (in general - not just sexually) and help her to do the same for you so that you feel loved and appreciated. If there is room for further sexual exploration (e.g. use of sex toys/lubricants/fantasies), perhaps consider doing so.
Once you start playing as a team again, rather than as oponents (e.g. 'if you can do that (with them) then you can do it with (me)'), you may find a rejuvenated ability to drive your sexual response.
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