Posted by: jo | 2009/01/16

No day mother

My son is 3 and has been going to his day mother from 2 months. It all started near the end of the year, he did not want to go to her and cried alot in the mornings. I thought that the holiday would help give him the break, but this year the same thing. His dad gets very upset with me when i leave him at home, but i cannot bear to see him get so upset.

I have asked him what the problem is and he says she shouts all the time. I know that they are not really stimulated as their day consists of watching TV and maybe an hours play time outside. I am not sure what to do as i have a wonderful domestic who really interacts with my kids, but does he need to interact and play with other children. Please advise as it is causing problems in the house. My fiance is not so understanding on alot of issues and things need to be done his way.

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Our expert says:
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Surely other mothers reading the forum have useful advice to offer, based on their own experience ?
I'd wonder why, if he was content with the day mother for nearly 3 years now, he should suddenly start getting upset about being left a,one with her. If you have a "wonderful domestic", (a) can't she at least report on whatever might be going on between the day mother and the child ? (b) couldn't she perhaps look after him instead of the day mother ? Could you get a different day mother, and see if things change ?
It would be helpful if whoever is caring for him could interact with other carers in the neighbourhood, so he could spend some time with other children of his age though this isn't critically essential

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Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2009/01/16

It' s an extremely bad sign if the daymother shouts all the time - that is verbal abuse, isn' t it! I had a similar experience with my son who is now 8 yrs old. I gave the daymother a surprise visit one day during the day when she didn' t expect me at that time and caught her red-handed shouting at my child to shut the hell up when he was crying.

I took my son out immediately and rather placed him at a creche that' s been running for 20 years. It' s more expensive, but definitely worth it. Daymothers are NOT better than a creche. A reputable creche has set rules and enough staff to care for the children and the staff are monitored so your child can' t be abused in any way.

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