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Posted by: confused | 2004/10/11

nine and a half weeks?

Hi all, my situation reminds me of the movie nine and a half weeks, the sexual side.

I am married and have a wonderfull husband. Due to things and stories I had an affair with someone that on a part time basis works with us. I have known him over ten years. He is great in bed but that is it. He can walk into my office and already we are hot. We joked about this, saying that it is like animal lust. It is scary though. I do not want a relationship with this man and I told him last week that we cannot carry on like this. I want to work on my marraige. He accepted it as such. I just cannot seem to forget about him sexually. Since ten years ago I have always fantasised about him and what he does to my hormones. He is the only one that has ever got that kind of reaction from me.

My husband is kind and loving but no matter how hard I try and he tries, I go dry and do not get half as aroused as I do with this other man.

I have spoken to this other man today and even mastrabated thinking about him. I have really got a real problem. This guy does not make it easy for me iether. Whenever we speak, he will beg me to keep him, or to be with him a while longer etc etc.

I have thought about quitting my job, the problem is high debts and the fact that I have a great boss and great benifits.

How do I fix this? How do I stop myself from fantasising about him. How do I get aroused by my husbands touch. Oh my word, how the hell am I going to get over this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi conf,
Work on your marriage, and get involved, with your husband, in proper marriage counselling. The other guy has the easiest possible relationship, all the fun with none of the responsibilities. You know you can't continue trying to have the best of both worlds, and that you could, at any moment, when he discovers the affair, deeply hurt your husband who doesn't deserve that. So end the affair, as you know you need to, and work on the marriage.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Volcano | 2004/10/12

Hades, I feel sorry for self-righteous creeps like you.

Reply to Volcano
Posted by: Zebra | 2004/10/12

I apologise for the behaviour of so many on this forum. I believe that problems such as these are often caused by the husband. CyberS's advise sounds sound to me. Good luck!

Reply to Zebra
Posted by: CuteOne | 2004/10/12

I respect you 'confused' for attempting to deal with your problems. At least you're honest enough with yourself and the most important thing is that you have brought yourself to talk about it. You will find that the most judgemental ones are the ones keeping the most horrible skeletons in the cupboard and are putting up a facade when with other people. While am not for adultery, i suggest that yo make up your mind with regards to the situation before it get nasty and out of hand. Ultimately it will have to be either your hubby or the lover. Do it for yourself, you'll definitely feel much better afterwards. To all those who have called you names, what they're forgetting is that it takes one to see whatever it is what they're calling you. All the best!

Reply to CuteOne
Posted by: Johan | 2004/10/12

Dear Confused Hope you read this, I'll post it as a new one just in case.

Most of us knows what is right and wrong, but is seems to me those "lucky" few who through circumstances never travelled the road that you did, find it very easy to throw the book at you.

Not one of us can really help each other, we all try to be clever and give some advice, sometimes well meant, sometimes not.

To think that somewhere there are couples that are happy in the sense that they are friends, understand each other, AND STILL HAVE THE SEXUAL ATTRACTION for each other (lust) that you and this man has. A lot of people are/were in this situation, but once you marry this guy (hypothetically), the exitement levels drop dramaticaly, although you two will still be good in bed together... You don't mention the fact that you love him/have fallen in love with him/are emotionally involved, if this is the case, it is a hell of a plus point, because that would have made it 10 times more difficult to handle.

I think the problem is not that he is so good/the effect that he has on you, but the fact that it is missing from your and your husbands relationship. By that I mean is that if you don't see this guy, soon/maybe over a year there will be someone else who you might not know at this stage, who will have the same effect on you. (and your situation will carry on -someone else will be making you come alive in a manner that your husband cannot do). And the other thing - and not for a moment am I thinking that what you are saying about your reaction to his body is not true - but this just make the chances of you and your husband succeeding ever so more difficult: Because your husband can never compare/stand up against this relationship, which I say again, even if you two do click, it is so much more exiting because you are not married to him, it is not available 24 hours a day on your coomand. I am not expressing myself completely but hopefully you get the drift. If you don't let go of him, there is no chance that you can start focussing on your husband and forgetting how wonderful it was with this other oke, I know there are a lott of other stuff that will have to fall into place before it works between you and your husband, but for starters there is no chance while this other oke is around to exite your body. It is a hell of a boring thing to do to have to focus on a man or woman in bed whose body we don't find as sexy as someone elses, but if you don't give it 100% chance and focus it won't work. Your husband can't exite you as an outsider does, because there is all this nice tension involved of a illegal afair etc. Part of all that you'll have to create in your own marriage. Your husband will have to be aware that his got to make the circumstances surrounding your lovemaking much more exiting/unpredictable.
PLEASE, not now or ever, let your husband find out about your affair, there are to much negatavities that will appear to mention, and for one, even if it doesn't break the two of you up, he'll always think he's competing against someone else, which he is, but he really does not want to know this. Between the two of you you'll have to re-focus, make everything mysterious end exiting, he'll have to learn to treat you in a manner that makes your body and mind react positevely towards you. Difficult to speake to him without putting stress/blame on him.

Hell, this is a difficult one, its like the game of golf, the best thing about it is never to start it, because it is so difficult to get out of.

There must be woman who walked this route (succesfullu), a woman's prespective of how they refocussed and got the spark back will be much more helpfull than my opinion.

Lulu - Is jy trots op my?

Reply to Johan
Posted by: HADES | 2004/10/12

To: Volcano

Go back to that filthy site (Sexologist) where every perversion is welcomed. Your profile sounds wonderfully congruent with the smut that feeds that swamp.

HADES

Reply to HADES
Posted by: Volcano | 2004/10/11

The response seems like a spill-over from the sexologist site. Some of us less perfect creatures do get ourselves into a fix against our better judgement sometimes and then we need to ask for help. If everyone was perfect, no-one would need advice. Can it be a case of protesting too much?

Reply to Volcano
Posted by: Louise | 2004/10/11


I CANNOTBELIEVE HOW THIS SITE HAS RESPONDED TO YOUR POST. PEOPLE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND DO NOT REALISE THAT THEY HAVE. YOU ARE TRYING TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THIS OTHERWISE YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TOLD THE FORUM OF YOUR AFFAIR. ITS QUITE INTERESTING THAT IF A MAN TELLS THE FORUM HE HAS CHEATED EVERYONE GOES AG SHAME HE IS JUST A MAN.

GIRL, IM ACTUALLY GLAD TO HEAR THAT WOMAN ARE TOO HAVING AFFAIRS AND NOT ALWAYS MEN. ARE MEN NOT 'SLUTS' TO FOR CHEATING OR IS IT JUST WOMAN??????

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. EITHER LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND WHICH I THINK IS FAIR ON HIM. SHAME, HE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS. OR YOU TOTALLY LEAVE THIS OTHER MAN ALONE. OBVIOUSLY YOU WONT WANT TO SLLEP WITH OR HUSBAND WHILST SLLEPING WITH YOUR LOVER.

MAKE A DECISION. JUST REMEMBER THAT NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE YOU HAVE TO YOUR HUSBAND. ONLY YOU CAN FIX THIS.

Reply to Louise
Posted by: HADES | 2004/10/11

To: Confused

Perhaps purulent and dysfunctional creeps like you will now realise that this site is not some parade ground to flaunt your adultery badge with smug satisfaction. Instead of accolades you will receive that which deserve most - outright disdain and condemnation for your wretched deceit. Consider the condemnation as simply hors d' ouevres as to what awaits you when your ugly behaviour (and that of your debased excuse of a bed mate) is discovered. Hopefully your "wonderful husband" won't be so wonderful when he kicks your sullied arse out of his life.

HADES

Reply to HADES
Posted by: No-No | 2004/10/11

Nee ons is nie God nie maar mense met morele waarde en glo in ons huwelik,slaap nie rond nie,jou tipe behoort nie op die site nie,Hoe werk jou krediet kaart?Pay as you cum!Ha-Ha

Reply to No-No
Posted by: Confused | 2004/10/11

I seem to be dealing with 100% perfect people here. I suppose you guys are God! right

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Mona | 2004/10/11

Unfortunately most of us on this site do not support affairs & mistresses.... as its homewrecking, and really just low down and nasty. What if it was your husband having the affair for the past 10 years, you would be shocked and hurt out of your shell. I suggest you break the affair off, or divorce your husband, he deserves better.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Sugary | 2004/10/11

This forum is getting to be quite full of whores! Is sex the most important thing in people's lives these days??? No morals or values??? Sorry no place in society for people like these!

Confused you should quit your job, join a brothel, you will get greater satisfaction!!!

Reply to Sugary
Posted by: No-No | 2004/10/11

To Confused the hore:Hope you get sick,better of with aids - slut!

Reply to No-No
Posted by: Confused | 2004/10/11

Thank you for your insightfull reply. I did not however come here to be insulted, but to be helped. And if nobody can help me say so but no need to get nasty.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Vonnie | 2004/10/11

You have a comlpete lack of self control. You have no morals. You have persisted in committing adultery over ten years.

I hope you get caught and that you get your just deserts. Marrigae partners like you piss me off becasue so many of us have to wrk hard to have a marriage and just look at you. Sies.

Reply to Vonnie

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