Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi to you Apache_Boy.... I hope you saw my (very belated) response to an earlier post.
Significant changes such as you've experienced as very stressful and I can quite understand that you're feeling down and possibly also a bit anxious. I'm chuffed that you went to a doctor and as you quite rightly say it takes a while (up to three weeks) before you'll feel the benefits of anti-depressant meds. Remember also that anxiety and depression often cause a libido to hit a downward spiral.
I'm wondering whether your bf is somehow, on some level, angry that you've 'left' him. This is a time when you need to have friends supporting you and your bf's response to your seeing an old friend is disconcerting. And somewhat childish.
In the light of all that has transpired I am not in the least surprised that you weren't too sexually charged to be intimate with your bf - and he needs to assume some responsibility for that. There's more going on here than his own sexual or emotional needs. It sounds as though neither of you are really able to offer much support at the moment and all I can suggest is spending as much quality time together as your circumstances allow, and as much talking to each other as possible. You both sound a bit bruised and fragile right now so be gentle with each other. You may need to point out to him - if he isn't aware of it - how you're feeling and what you're going through and what he could possibly do to meet your needs. That could possibly help him have more empathy for you instead of merely feeling rejected because you didn't want to have sex.
Many gay guys have learnt to express emotion and much else through physical action, invariably through sex. Our transactions are often sexual. Your bf may not be used to talking - really talking - and his wanting to have sex with you may have been his way or manner of trying to reach out to you or to connect with you. Of trying to please you. If your needs lie on another level you need to somehow convey this to him.
Please keep posting.
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