Posted by: Kris | 2009/03/09

Newly Wed

Dear CS, I have been married for 3 months now and find my husband always putting me last. His family, his church, his neigbours and the extended family all come before me and my needs. He never does anything for us, it' s like after the wedding there' s no effort put into our relationship. He is always ever ready to help and be there for everybody else but not when it comes to me I just take a back seat. I' m so sad...

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Our expert says:
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Is this a surpise to you ? I mean, was he totally different up to the day of the marriage ? Or was he thus, but you nhoped he'd change ? ( I wrote this --- than discovered Maria had made exactly the same point ). How does his family and extended family feel about this ? Is there anyone there you think would be understanding, and who you could discuss this with, who might tactfully suggest to him that he needs to take his marriage more seriously ? COuld you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, to enrich the arriage for both of you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oh yeah ! | 2009/03/09

No one can change another. What he was like before the marriage is how he will be afterwards. You girls are at a distinct advantage over us guys. He probably enjoys his marital favours and although I know there will be cries of protest and dire warnings not to go this route, there is nothing like a bit of playing hard to get with a clear message, " Hey Big Boy, you wanna some ?"  Then you had better get your focus back on me pretty damn quickly or I will be very shy and coy with a " not tonight babe"  attitude. Short rations can work wonders !! Try it.

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Posted by: Kems | 2009/03/09

I had the same problems, only thing that helped was marriage counseling. My wife and I both was not sure how to perform the role as husband and wife so needed to get counseling for guidelines on how to play the perfect role. I know it sounds funny to go after so little time of being married but no one has to know, it is great to go and it works.

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Posted by: Maria | 2009/03/09

Kris, was it like this before you got married? Did you hope it would change? It is indeed sad and I strongly suggest that you go for some marriage counselling.

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