Posted by: Sad | 2008/11/14

Newly married - no sex

Hi guys,

I feel so sad and disappointed. I`ve been married for almost 2 months now. I thought that you`re supposed to have (crave) a lot of sex during your first years of marriage. Problem is, we don`t. My husband doen`t agree with me, he says we`re just too tired and stressed out (new house, new job, first time living together etc.) I`ve spoken to him about the problem, but he doesn`t think that this is a problem. I am just so very sad and didn`t think that it would be like this. This isn`t normal, is it? If you have any advice or experienced the same sort of problem, please help me.

Thank you

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Many factors in peoples lives can impact on sexual desire and sexual functioning, and degrees of stress can and do play a role. What is important here is that you are distressed by the present situation, you and your husband do not agree on the severity and causes of the problem and previous attempts to address it has not born any fruit.

I suggest you and your husband consult a couples therapist who also specialises in sex therapy.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: RA | 2008/11/14

My wife and I have a similar problem. Not quite as bad but still we only have sex about 3 times a month if I am lucky. She just does not have any drive!!

I have also tried all sorts of written and DVD material which sort of helped a bit. Is there anyone out there that can suggest any other options to get the fire in the bedroom again.

Reply to RA
Posted by: Caring | 2008/11/14

You can' t survive in the marriage unless you seek professional help. There are Christian sex-help books that you can trace on the internet, such as " Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife"  by Robert Irwin. There are clean and kosher links for all sorts of problems on the relevant website

Reply to Caring
Posted by: Same | 2008/11/14

Good for you, A. Let' s rub it in the faces of the people here, who have problems with their sex lives, that you have a great sex life.

And one more point, with us it' s not about making time in our busy schedules - it' s about my husband having lost his desire for sex.

Reply to Same
Posted by: A | 2008/11/14

I agree with SG, when me and my wife got married we had sex about 2 times a day, everyday for that first year or two.

Reply to A
Posted by: Same | 2008/11/14

Lady man...tried that - and got rejected. That' s the worst part...being rejected by him. He feels under pressure to perform if I make the 1st move.

Sg...gosh, we have spoken and spoken and spoken so often about this. It' s just so complicated.

I' m currently just giving up now. This has been going on for too long, and I have lost the energy to fix this. My husband is the one with the problem, therefore he needs to find a way to fix it. When he' s ready for me again, I will be there with open legs waiting! :)

Reply to Same
Posted by: Sg | 2008/11/14

Whilst everyone is different your situation is somewhat abnormal.Crickey I used to bonk everyday for many,many years and still enjoy it 3 times a week.
You clearly need to talk to him and look for ways to improve the situation-you both need to make time in your busy schedules.Sex is a huge issue in marriage so it needs to be resolved soon

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Lady man | 2008/11/14


Just something.

I like it when my woman makes sometimes the first move. Put on something sexy, red wine. It is all in the mind. Wait naked for him when he came back from work. Make everything really interresting for him, like sending him sexy sms. I will jump at the change if my woman invite me like this.

Reply to Lady man
Posted by: Same | 2008/11/14

Hi there. I' m in the same boat as you. Moved in together, and suddenly my man was not interested in me. We' re married for a few months now, and still having a problem. It was coming right before the wedding, but it suddenyly went back to little/no sex.
We' ve spoken about it so often. Only difference between you and me is that my man agrees there' s a problem. He just hasn' t done anything about it. It' s so frustrating. And like you said...disappointing. I thoughth once we were married, we' d be having sex all the time. Or at least more often than we currently do. Which is like twice a month! :(

Reply to Same

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