Posted by: rosemary | 2008/12/18

new baby and family visiting

My baby is due in February and i would like to know what is acceptable in terms of allowing family to visit. My mother in law is very excited and i am not that keen on people invading my space. what are the usual boundaries - how often should the grandparents see the child. I want to be fair, but also don' t want to be walked all over. On the other hand i am close to my sister and would feel more relaxed with her helping me.
Please advise. Thank you.


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Our expert says:
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Acceptable ? Surely that's up to you and the father ? There are no laws on the subject. Lets see what other readers feel about this. Usually, after the first flush of excitement all round, the chores of actually caring for a tot don't entice most visitors to over-stay their welcome. But don't get too prickly --- needless conflict is worth avoiding.

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Our users say:
Posted by: rosemary | 2008/12/19

thank you for all the advice. I did plan to have at least the first week free from visitors. My mother in law will just have to respect my wishes.

kind regards


Reply to rosemary
Posted by: Nika | 2008/12/19

I am in the same positions as you with a baby due end of January and the whole world planning to visit. I spoke to my very understanding hubby and we have an agreement that he will turn people away at the door saying that I do not feel well if things get too much for us.

However - I think the Indian culture have the perfect solution. As far as I understand it the new mother and baby stays with the grandmother (on the mom' s side) for one month. No-one is allowed to visit before one month and her mom helps her with the baby, cooks for them and see that she is well fed, rested and bonding with the baby. Oh - I wish I could do that as well!

Reply to Nika
Posted by: Shana | 2008/12/19

Hi Rosemary.

Congrats on your little bundle. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

CS is right, it depends on you and your husband. I always say that new parents should not be visited in the first, at least 2 weeks. You and baby don' t know each other yet. You know of him, but you don' t know him. After the birth you will be exhausted, you will have to fall into a routine of getting up for baby and if you are anything like me you will not sleep the first few nights, you would just sit starting at baby, not quite believeing that that perfect little angel is YOURS!! The excitement of a new baby is tremendous. That' s why I say, people should not visit in the beginning. You and hubby need to spend alone time with baby, bond and like I said earlier, get to know each other and so on.

It is funny how so many people cannot just think for themselves that they should not bombard the new parents and invade their space. The grandparents can obviously see the little one, but should also do so in moderation, not to tell you what to do and look over your shoulder. They had their chance at raising their kids, they need to allow you to now do the same.

Friends and other relatives should call first and not feel offended when you don' t feel up to a visit. It is entirely up to you when and how often you want to allow people to visit. I do hope you have your quiet times to also just relax and catch up on some much needed sleep until you all fall into a routine.

Good luck, Good Bless

Reply to Shana

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