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Question
Posted by: Jen | 2007/05/16

Never thought I would, what now!

Before I began, firstly, could you recommend someone I could see on the east rand?

I have been married a couple of years, everything perfect, the past year or so i find myself lacking the desire I should have for my husband. He is the most caring and generous person you'll ever meet. So it makes it harder for me to fathom sometimes what I'm thinking. I know marriage is about work, but shouldn't I feel more physical attraction? Marriage is more about that, isnt it?. We have no problems in bed, don't get me wrong but I don't initiate it.

I have ended up doing something I never thought I would, I always despised people that did this (now i know how easy it can happen) I have been cheating on my husband with a friend, it keeps on happening. I don't stop it but at the same time I think I should and start concentrating on my marriage. I'm forever having conflicting thoughts about what I did, would a happily married women do this? Am I supposed to make this kind of effort with my husband?

I think if my friends and family had to find out, they would hate me, hey I would hate me, managing to hurt someone who would give me the world. I know what I have done is wrong, at the same time I don't know what I want, I kind of feel like someone else should tell me, that way it would make it easier, but lifes not easy.

When I have these conflicting thoughts in my head I end up being miserable and a mean person to my husband, which I hate doing.

Not sure what to do at this stage??? any ideas...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I have to keep repeating, NO I can't recommend ANYONE you can see anywhere --- it would be impossible for me to keep track of where all the country's shrinks are, let alone wich ones are good ! Ask your GP, your friends, the Anxiety/Depression support group, local Lifeline.
As the main need seems to be for urgent marriage counselling, the best source of advice would be to call FAMSA to recommend some nearby marriage counsellors. And stop the affair. You know its wrong and will only end in misery all round

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: jen | 2007/05/17

Tena...who are you going to nad what did they have to say?
I know I deserve all harsh words said here, but until it happens to you, you'll never quite understand...

Reply to jen
Posted by: Saddened | 2007/05/16

Shame poor Jen... isn't that you are seeking from us? Well, not all of us can reason that way. However, i think that though my wife with whom I was divorcing and we put that divorce on hold with intent to work on saving our marriage, I have a great suspicion that she may have not let go of her boyfriend from when we were divorcing, I am no longer bitter about people cheating.<br><br>All I can say is that cheating can be very dangerous. It can ruin people's lives forever. <br><br>Cheating can be a sign of a less challenging boring marriage.<br><br>Cheating can be an illness/sickness/disorder on part of the person that is cheating.<br><br>Seek help! I am happy that Tena says that she is doing something about it. <br><br>You Jen I am happy for you because this is the first good step. <br><br>I understand the reaction of guys like Shae. However, we need to learn to help other instead of throwing stones at them and pushing them to the habits they are asking our support and guide to kick. Let us not take things personally even if they hit closer to home.<br><br>Other people would then suggest that after you have worked on your disorder and learnt to honour your vows etc; then you can suggest nicely to your husband to try swinging lifestyle... please do research the ins and outs and theps and downs of swinging either. For later purposes, maybe.

Reply to Saddened
Posted by: Whatever | 2007/05/16

Dont worry. I'm in exactly the same boat. Only thing - I didnt cheat , but I am so afraid that I will.

Reply to Whatever
Posted by: Shae | 2007/05/16

When you took vows of monogamy, what exaclt did you think you were promising? Im sure the priest did not say for better or worse, FORSAKING ALL OTHERS, till one of you gets bored, did he?<br><br>It all depends on your value system and level of integrity - or lack thereof.<br><br>You want to know what to do - the honourable thing - tell your husband and let him decide if youre worth having around anymore. <br><br>We teach our youngsters how to solve problems these days and instead of talking to each other and treating each other with dignity and respect, what do we do, we choose the low road because its easier, we cheat and shoot and stab. Like spoilt toddlers. <br><br>You didnt respect your vows enought o speak to your husband when you had the problem, instead you warmed your sheets with another man. Did the problem go away? No, its still there the only difference is, you have added to it. Would id not have been more effective to speak to your husband and perhaps seeked couples therapy? <br><br>Honesty, truly, is such a lonely word!

Reply to Shae
Posted by: Dude | 2007/05/16

hey,<br><br>we have the same problem, u wont leave him and I wont leave her

Reply to Dude
Posted by: tena | 2007/05/16

I KNOW WHAT U ARE GOING THROUGT.I AM ALSO AT THE SAME STAGE AS YOU. 2NIGHT I AM GOING TO SEE A COUNCELLOUR 2 SORT OUT MY HEAD AND HART.

Reply to tena
Posted by: Me | 2007/05/16

Are you sure you not my ex wife - she said all the same things you have just said (really gave a sense of deja vu). We are now divorced and I have custody of my kids. Stop before you lose everything you currently have it's not worth it, if you can save still.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/05/16

Not sure what to do at this stage.....??..STOP CHEATING ON YOUR HUSBAND FOR A START...

Reply to Blondie..

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