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Question
Posted by: Weird Chicky | 2004/11/09

Never interested in Sex

Is it ok to be 27 years old and not interested in sex at all? I dont even know all the 'facts of life' other than the basic and have picked up from friends that there's much more to it than what I thought. I don't know how its all just gone past me. I'm not that stupid? I find it quite freaky and grose that people actually do sex. I wish they wouldn't. I get dizzy, nauseas and freak out a bit whenever the subject arises in an unexpected way or when I can't control what someone is saying about it or when its in a movie and I can't walk out. A few weeks ago, against better judgement, I read this book about sex (or just a few pages actually...) It wasn't explicit or graphic - yet I became so freaked out! I felt light headed and my head buzzed and I just wanted to scream. Sex seems like such a violent shameful act - it makes no sense that people who love each other would do that - or that a women would allow a man to hurt her like that. I know logically that it's not the case - but I just cant fathom it.

Please help me or tell me what I should do. I'm a normal 20 something women in every other way. No one would guess I'm so messed up. I badly want to be in a relationship and be married and have babies - but I just cant let my guard down - because I'm so afriad that sooner or later it would end in sex.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear WC,
It's not necessarily abnormal for someone to choose to be uninterested in sex or to choose not to engage in it --- but this would be so if they were able to make a free and informed choice about it, rather than if they had no alternative at all.
Sorry that your query seems to have stirred up conflict among some other readers. Yes, I can't avoid the advice, cliche or not, that you should go for counselling, because that is the only setting in which you could explore this depth of puzzling feelings ( or lack of feelings, in some situations ) which is, very reasonably, bothering you.
How this situation came about, we can't guess, whether you had unpleasant experiences early in life, or whether your upbringing taught you to have inaccurate ideas and expectations about sex, is hard to tell without the further explorations a counsellor could help you achieve. But this clearly does go beyond the usual, in the sense that you seem to assume that sex is all about hurting and being hurt, and in the way that you say you feel sick and disturbed even at the idea of OTHER people having sex, even if you're not in the least way involved.
It's not for a shrink to tell you that you must like sex, but you do at least need to be freed from this inappropriate and excessive sense of revulsion about it, which is handicapping you, and will, until it is properly dealt with in therapy, prevent you from having the happy relationship and children which you want. So therapy would be about helping you lose the extreme distaste and regain your freedom to make a free choice about this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Agree | 2004/11/10


I agree with Avenging Angel!!

Reply to Agree
Posted by: Avenging angel | 2004/11/10

Geez, I agree with you as you can read, but that still does not change the fact of a relasionship, no sex = cheating!!! No go play with you toy's!!!

Reply to Avenging angel
Posted by: Geez | 2004/11/10

Avenging angel, who stood on your tail this morning when they got out of you kennel?

From what I have seen on this forum, and yes it is the right forum that Weird Chicky has posted her problem on, 99% of the people have been incredibly sincere and helpful. Not sure what sty you crawled out of.

But back to the problem. I would guess that there are certain hangups and may even be something that Weird Chicky is surpressing from her early years. It is possible that she has "put it away" and only therapy will bring it to the surface. My wife was under treatment for a condition and under hypnosis, some surfaced from her earlier years. No, it wasn't sexual abuse. It was something that she did to someone else, but she had surpressed it and even after it surfaced, she still couldn't remember and a friend who was present at the time of the incident, confirmed the whole situation.

So, yes, I would suggest weird chicky, firstly change your nic, because you're NOT weird. Secondly there is help for you out there.

All the best. I hope it all works out for you, soon.

Reply to Geez
Posted by: avenging angel | 2004/11/10

OOO chicky go suck a duck!!!! It is ovias that this girl has a prob wit intemacy in any form!!!!! She must go and see n good phycologist and work on it!! Chances are she has been molested in her young day's by a figur of athority or some one she knows, or just that she has been so protected from live that she really does not know, if she does get in to a relationship I hope for her mans sake she has sorted it out because he is going to veel like a camel in the dessert when it comes to sex and then he wil cheat to get some if she does not whant to give!! this brings me to my first statment!!!

Reply to avenging angel
Posted by: Chick | 2004/11/10

Stop been so dam judgmental avenging angel - you dont even know her or the cos of her feeling towards sex -

Reply to Chick
Posted by: avenging angel | 2004/11/10

Because of woman like you that men cheat!!!!

Reply to avenging angel
Posted by: Jane | 2004/11/10

Absolutely the RIGHT forum. Wait for the CS's response (all I have to offer os the usual 'go for counselling' cliche but I am sure the shrink will have something more valuable than this).

Reply to Jane
Posted by: FLASH | 2004/11/10

Wrong forum. Ask the Sexologist

Reply to FLASH

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