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Question
Posted by: J | 2004/10/14

Neighbour being abused

A while ago, I posted about my neighbour who is being physically and mentally abused by her husband.I was not sure to which extent I should get involved.Well, he beat her up again yesterday morning and told her to leave his home.
The poor woman was devastated and knocked on my door for assistance. Naturally, I took her and their two year old soon into my home.
The poor soul has nowhere to go...she has no family in JHB...her mother is no longer alive...her dad got married to another woman and she lost contact with him...and she has no job
My hubby is not too happy with my involvement in the whole situation, but I cant just sit back and watch this man treat this woman so bad.
So I picked up the phone and called POWA.They advised her that she must get an interdict against her hubby and they will assist her with a place to stay and getting a job, etc.
She has since changed her mind and no longer wants to go the POWA route.She insists that she did something wrong and she deserved the beating.Strange enough, I understand because I was in the same situation and us victims often carry the blame.
What I really need to know is how do I convince her husband to seek professional help, without damaging his "ego".His wife, obviously, cannot get through to him.He holds me in high regard and I dont want to jeopardise this "relationship".I also dont want him to think that I am just being a nosy neighbour.
Please guys, how can I persuade him and her?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good for you for calling POWA urgently.Remind her that beyond any possible doubt she did NOTHING whatsoever to deserve such a beating, and that NOBODY ever deserves that. You won't be able to persuade her husband to seek help. I would consider reporting the situation to the Child Welfare authorities as likely to be damaging to the child, and let them explore the matter. Encourage her to let you call the police, and to lay criminal charges against the brute. And encourage her, if she doesn't have the heart to do that, then to keep in contact with POWA, and to see someone there for counselling, maybe a support group.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: K | 2004/10/14

Hi

This is really a tough call and no "situation" where abuse happens is ever the same. The saddest thing here is that there is a child involved.

I went through serious abuse when I divorced and moved in with the most angelic man who put me in hospital two or three times, luckly my kids were with my ex. You actually just get to the point where you know that you have to leave. In my case, my boss was the biggest factor as he knew what was going on and made me face up to it.

I am now in a 7 year relationship, have my boys back and have a 4 year old daughter.

On the other hand, i have friend who regularly gets beaten up by her partner who has a serious drug problem (also no kids involved) but she seems to thrive on it, it seems that this is the only time he shows any attention and she takes it as love ... pathetic creature.

You neighbour is probably more scared on the unknown than anything else .... does this only happen when he has been drinking or is it all the time?

Either they both need to go for help or she needs to go with POWA and start a new life. She actually owes it to her son! I doubt very much that the husband will change and now that she has involved outsiders it may become worse.

I wish I had a big, big house and that I could take in all these poor unloved, unwanted souls that get themsleves into situations like this because they are so trusting and desperate for love!

Please let us know what happens!

Reply to K

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