Posted by: lee | 2005/11/29


I was, once again, alarmed at how easity negativity from others can get you down. Last night someone was really inconsiderate and rude to me and a few moments later someone else was really nice and complimentary. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, the positive couldn't squash the negative and the negative comment stayed with me far longer than the positive even though I made a concerted effort to brush off the negative comment.

No question in this though.. just an observation.

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Our expert says:
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Good observation, Lee. Could it be in part due to how primed we might be, so that when we have some incipient bad feelings about ourselves, we embrace the bad comment as confirming our expectations, and ignore the good comment as presuming it to be mistaken ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/29

Be alert to recognize the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism. Constructive criticism carries with it a solution and recommends a way of improvement. Destructive criticism lacks these "and normally comes from people who are jealous of you and only want to upset or spoil your day. You can safely ignore destructive critics. "

Do not criticize people unnecessarily; otherwise, you will give people the chance to criticize you.

Try to understand the background of your critics, their values, ego etc.

Continuously ask yourself "what lesson can I learn from this?"

Don't be emotional and take the comments personally or to heart. You will only become vain and bitter.

Never develop subtle ways of seeking revenge because you have been criticized.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: lee | 2005/11/29

thanks friend.. some good advice there..

Reply to lee
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/29

When this happens again:
Protect yourself! Stay composed! Be in control!
Shrug-off other people's angry outbursts, snide remarks, insinuations, criticisms and complaints.
Develop practical, down-to-earth strategies to deal positively with negativity.
Don't take other people's bad moods to heart.
Laugh. Thrive. Survive.
Stay cool. Stay calm. Stay clear-headed.
Deal positively with negativity.
Let it all wash over you like water off a duck's back.

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