Posted by: Confused | 2009/09/08

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Hi Dr, Hows it going?<br><br>Just something I would like to understand with regard to people. Why do some people hate themselves? I am generally a happy person, (with problems of course, I mean who hasn' t any?), and I have a had a few girlfriends over the years and I am really enjoying my life. Yet, I see people (OK, I am talking males here, I am one myself), my age, late twenties or maybe early thirties, even younger twenties, really have a hard time to enjoy life.<br><br>I try to help them, encorage them to get girlfriends, take them out, show them how to approach women etc, yet towards the end of the evening, they become dispondant, and would rather just go home. I see that they get very angry with themselves, and speaking to them, I can see that they hate themselves.<br><br>I try to help them become confident, and to think positive etc, but to no avail. Surely there must be something that can be done to sort this out. I do not want to give up on them, and I wiull try to help as many as possible, as I believe that they should also enjoy life before they get too old and live in regret. Some of them are so shy, it just isn' t funny. How do I understand what is going on to help them?<br><br>I have also tried talking them into going for therapy, and they wanna kill me lol (figuratively of course). They are such nice people, always kind, giving way for others, always showing respect for others, yet they get taken advantage of. They don' t get the respect back that they deserve. What to do?<br><br>-wow, this is long, hope it was not too much to read :)<br><br>Take it easy!

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Our expert says:
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Actualy, it's a fairly widespread problem, among men and women, of all ages, that they may come to dislike themselves and/or to seriously lack self-confidence and self-esteem. And in an odd way, I think such problems may be becoming more common in young men than in young women. I think it's sad that so many young women, instead of becoming genuinely independe nt and free WOMEN, have instead chosen to become lads, imitating all the worst characteristics we used to see in young men --- drinking, swearing, and swaggering. Imitating anyone else's worst characteristics is not any advance, and some do seem to show very little respect for themselves, and none for others. But therapy / counselling would be the best way to go to solve the problems you describe. There was a time when it was fashionable to have Women's Groups as self-help, mutual support groups --- maybe it's time to form young men's groups on a similar basis ?

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