Our expert says:
Grief is often complex and difficult, and takes far longer to deal with than the un-grieved expect. She does in deed sound as though she deserves and needs counsellign -- of the CBT ( realistic ) form, not only to deal with the grief she has apparently become stuck in, but other issues like self-esteem, and assertiveness regarding her greedy and indeservedly demanding daughter, It sounds as though she has an inaccurate idea about counselling, seeing it as "crying in front of others", perhaps as self-indulgent, rather than as a respectable activity for someone who is not entirely managing to handle their problems.
The well-meaning comments of others can be so unhelpful. When she has dealt well with her bereavement, she will be ready to do something more creative and comforting with his ashes --- simply disposing of them at this stage would probably only make her feel more bereft and desperate. That could be symbolic, too, of her fear of what a therapist / counsellor might try to do --- to force her to discard something very dear to her. Talk about counselling, preferably having looked around for someone suitable with experience of complex grief problems ( maybe identified with the help of the loca Hospice ) --- talk about how a grief counsellor is never there to make one forget about the person one lost, but to help one remember them better, but to remember them with joy and satisfaction for all that they were, rather than have one's memory contaminated by our bitterness at having lost them
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