Posted by: RI | 2004/11/16

needing advise

Hi there!

Im 19 yr old and is in very seroius relationship and my mother is forcing us to get married both of us are not very sure, i don`t want to get married for the wrong reason and definitly not to please other but if i don`t she wants to band him from our home and she is also very religious ,so moving out won`t even be an opion.WHAT DO I DO. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
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If either of you, let alone both of you, are unsure. do NOT get married, and don't allow your mother to force you to do anything so silly. She sounds like one of the people I'd call churchiose, rather than religious --- because none of the major religions I know of would tell her to interfere here and to force their child into a marriage she's not ready for. Her religioisity is irrelevant. Just refuse to get married unless and until you are ready for it.
If you are pregnant, see a counsellor to work out your options and decide what is best for both of you and the
child, taking your mom's opinions into account, but not allowing her to decide for you --- you are an adult.
My understanding of islam is that she ought not to be doing this either --- certainly SA law recognizes no right for her to decide when and who you should marry. Is there no way you could move out on your own, or share a flat with a friend, and become independent of her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/16

I must agree, girl, no matter what religion you are, you are also your own person. Your life belongs to you, and so should your decisions.
Your mother, if you put yourself in her shoes, maybe you could understand a bit from her poiint - even though her point may still be wrong (and it is, in my opinion).
Be gentle, and respectful, but be firm. Your life belongs to you. Is she going to go through the roof if it turns out that the marriage goes bad and she's made you unhappy? Uh Uh.
Now, go and stand firm, and best of luck!

Reply to HS
Posted by: RI | 2004/11/16

NO! Im not PREGNANT, Maybe if i left you know my religion is ISLAM you would understand better and my mother is a stonch muslim what she says goes, my father died 7 yrs ago so shes been even more stick on me because im the youngest, so maybe now you will understand better.

Reply to RI
Posted by: mabongi | 2004/11/16

your mom needs to be realistic those days are gone ,sit down with her or get somebody from her family (sisters )to talk to her ,u a in the relationship and you will know when u ready otherwise you will be living with regrets,GOOD LUCK!!!

Reply to mabongi
Posted by: Jackie | 2004/11/16

Your mom should not be forcing you to get married. It is not her decision. Unfortunately the only advice I can give you is that you have to find a way to stand up to your mother. But, as Lady Nina mentioned, are you pregnant? Or is there some other reason as to why your mother is forcing you to marry?

Reply to Jackie
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/16

hoi there

are you pregnant?

girl so many of us has made mistakes when we were young
your emotions are high and thats never a good time to make changes

is there no way you can put the relasionship on hold for a little while ?

get a 3rd party involved to speak to you mom, maybe someone from her church?


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/16

Ai! That's bad... no, you can't marry because you are being forced to... tell your mother to come out of the stone ages and move out! Many of these so called 'religious' decisions that parents inflict on their kids are in fact man-made.

Reply to Inc

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