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Question
Posted by: BC | 2004/09/21

need to know

Hi CS and everybody,
Reading some of the postings, one thing I would like to know is how to deal with jealousy & fears in relationship? How to "kill" them?
My previous relationship was very abusive, (cheatings, lies, fightings), the current relationship is the best I'd ever have. Because of the past painful experience, I appreciate more of what I have got, the love he is giving me, and I am very thankful for being with him. On the other side, it also caused me to fear the painful feeling of being cheated, worried that he will do it to me, hard to place trust even if I want to. Feel insecure & un-confident now and then because of this mixed feelings...
My bf and I just had a lovely holiday with a group of new ppl. Basically the whole group have supper together every night, then you tour on your own. I feel uncomfortable when he chat to other girls for long, and one stage I believed that one of the ladies flirted to him. I feel slightly treatened when any female stranger get little close to him.
So what must I do to reduce my fear?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

BC, I have never discovered nor ever heard of, any easy answer to this important and common question, nor of any easy technique for achieving this which we could recommend in this format. Counselling is often a solution, and it varies as to how long it takes to achieve the desired result. And counselling is well worth it because, as you recognize, unreasonable suspicion and expectations of cheating can create the situation you fear, even if there were no real risk of it otherwise. Try to remember that, having already had the option of all other girls, it was YOU he chose, wasn't it ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: BC | 2004/09/22

thanks CS, it was very sweet of what you said last, and it is so true...
thank you Shaun, I think it is good for him to understand my feelings too. I will talk to him.

Reply to BC
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/09/21

Basically, you need to get in touch with a shrink that would help & guide you to work through & deal with your previous circumstances having an effect on your present one.
For sure you will go into a new relationship on tenderfoot, looking at the way you were treated previously nobody can blame you for feeling the way you do. I think you need to learn that this person is different from the last...
Also, communication is very important. Talk to him about it, maybe you both will come to a workable or favourable solution that you might feel more comfortable with.
Also, trust is usually earned, you don't just give it away freely. It's wise for you to be cautious, but just make sure that you're not being overly so...

Good luck BC,
Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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