Posted by: Anon | 2009/04/03

Need to find a way out

At this point i feel so angry &  i keep thinking to myself why doesn' t god take me. Instead of taking the good people take me because I really want to go. Its so hard 4 me, at home im having it bad with my parents... they have chosen to put a outsider 1st before me, i have a step dad that wants only my mother &  their son together. My mum had me from some1 else. Im not having the life like other 20 year olds. I decided that im going to move out &  maybe live by myself or with a girl friend but my bf cares &  does' nt think its safe 4 me to be alone so he said we should find a house together. I was so happy about finding a place &  living together until he tells me yesterday that he' s not the happiest about it coz he wanted me to move in with him. But his family dont want me to stay there if we not married &  thats a step im not ready for yet but he keeps telling me his not happy about the house. I dont get it. He has lived his life, im young i want us to live alone &  enjoy life b4 i move in with him. In the indian community alot is expected from the wife in the family &  if i move in soon im not ready &  there' s gona be alot more problems. I cant talk to him coz he just wants to scream &  show authority. yet when we happy i feel like a queen. I dont know what to do anymore i feel like loosing myself

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Our expert says:
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I know that in an Indian community, things can be difficult for the wife. You are sensible not to want to rush into marriage, and to explore ways to move out on your own, with some girl friends --- is that really as dangerous a step as your bf is suggesting ? And if he creams and insists on his authority when you raise relevamnt and sensible concerns, he is NOT a man worth moving in with or even marrying. DO see a good counsellor within your community, who can help you to reasonably review your options.

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Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009/04/03

If you can support yourself move out on your own, or share a place with someone a friend maybe. It is not up to him what you decide to do with your life, you did the right thing by informing him as yes you are in a relationship, but he is obviously scared you might cheat once you on your own, basically its his insecurities because you are young and 20years old and he obviously is abit older.

Times have changed and I understand what his parents are saying and if they still orthodox in their way of thinking then imagine living with them..............hell no! I got a feeling he might be encouraging them too.

Go Live on your own, it might be the best thing you ever do, experience life and meet lots of people and if he is still with you then the relationship is worth it, but if he breaks up with you because of just moving on your own, well then you know there would of been more problems and the relationship wasn' t worth it.

I also think moving outwould make your relationship with your a little better, and maybe they will begin to appreciate you once you are gone.

Good Luck and don' t think bad thoughts or suicide not worth anything work this through, you are strong!

Reply to D
Posted by: Mandy | 2009/04/03

Marriage is a big step. Please think about it very hard. You are also so young and there is so much more opprtunities in the life out there for you. I am not in your situation so it is easy for me to say but please you are going to have more regrets in 3 years time. After marriage comes kids etc and you must always remember that those people that " forced"  you to get married cause of culture and the right thing to do aint going to be there when things turn sour. Good luck!

Reply to Mandy

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