Our expert says:
Sadly, in regard to child abuse, some mothers are complicit, often through gross denial and simply refusing to believe what may otherwise be rather obvious. Its so sad that you have spent money on buying malicious and dangerous books about how to harm yourself, rather than on getting local counselling / therapy help to get things right and to enable you to enjoy the rest of your life. Suicide would give the wickedness of your father and mother final and permanent triumph, something which they certainly do not deserve. You should absolutely not be spending any of your time caring for such awful people, let alone sacrificing your own life and happiness for them.
After what they did to you, it must not be their choice whether you continue to be their servant, or whether they move to somewhere where they can get whatever care they choose to pay for, and at long last leave you free to lead your own life. But you will need therapy to make the change to independence and to learn to enjoy it.
See a counsellor --- indeed, as this is about decades of abuse, contact a group like POWA tor help in saving yourself and moving them to take care of themselves.
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